As I reconstruct the blog, there are certain posts that need to be front & center; there are certain posts that cannot wait to be reposted. This is one of those posts. This is MUST READ material for my boys! You must know the evil and duplicity of which women are capable; you must know that they'll have no problems justifying their evil, either.
I don't hate women, nor do I think that all of them are evil. That said, I can't blame guys who think that-not when this sort of thing is commonplace. I can't blame guys for thinking the worst about women when women pull this sort of crap, then justify it nine ways to Sunday; these gals think that what they want is all that matters, and if it takes 'a little nudge', then so be it. As usual, I'll intersperse my commentary throughout the piece. As always, here's a link to the original piece.
THAT WAS NO "ACCIDENT"
You two were careful, but somehow she got pregnant. It happens. Or not... Getting tricked into fatherhood by a woman hell-bent on getting pregnant is much more common than you think.
Imagine for a moment this perfectly plausible scenario: You've had a steady girlfriend for a year or so and everything's going great. You still hold hands at the movies. Friends tell you you're good together. You're both around 30 years old and making plenty of money, maybe living together, but you're nowhere near considering fatherhood. And though you occasionally get the feeling that her biological clock is set far ahead of yours, she tells you she's "safe," so you don't worry. Why would you? It's not as if you'd just picked her up on Dollar Margarita Night at Señor Frog's. But one morning she tells you something has gone wrong. Unlikely as it sounds, she's pregnant-and she wants to keep it. What she doesn't tell you, though, is this: She wasn't being safe all along. She wanted to have that baby— and the way she saw it, this was the only way to make it happen.
Something HAS gone wrong-for you, pal! I hate to say it, but there is WISDOM in God's commandments against sex prior to marriage. Since men have no rights in these matters, the ONLY way to retain your autonomy is to KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS! The only 100% effective contraceptive is abstention-that's it! The only other 100% effective means of preventing pregnancy is to get snipped...
Here's how a scenario like that played out in real life. Jody (not her real name), a 32-year-old account manager for a major New York ad firm, decided to speed things along with her boyfriend two years ago by getting pregnant without telling him. "It's not about trapping the guy," Jody says. "That's kind of old-fashioned. Yeah, you want him to be into it, but there are other ways to get a guy to commit. If you're smart and in a good relationship, it's just about the fact that you want a kid." Even in her circle of young, urban, and gainfully employed friends, Jody says, this particular brand of subterfuge isn't exactly condemned the way one might expect. In fact, it's sort of, well, normal. "I see and hear people talk about it, and I understand. I get it," she says, "and I don't even think it's that manipulative. It's more like, 'Hey, the timing is right for me. I got pregnant—oops! Well, it's here, let's have it.' I think that's more the way it is now than it was back in the day when you had to marry someone before you got pregnant. Marriage doesn't matter now."
Jody, if it's not about trapping a guy, then what IS it about, hmmm? If having an intentional 'oopsie' doesn't qualify as trapping a guy, then it's one HELL of an imitation! The name of the concept eludes me, but there is a legal concept which states that calling something by a different name does NOT change what it is. That applies here. You can call it what you want, but I call it trapping a guy.
The same goes for manipulation. The word, 'manipulate', means to manage or influence, ESPECIALLY in an unfair manner. You can go to this page on Dictionary.com, and see for yourself. So Jody, you don't think that an 'oopsie' isn't manipulative, huh? Let me ask you a question: would your man, sans your deceptive, dastardly action, would marry you or stick around? You ARE influencing your man to do something that he otherwise wouldn't do; if he WOULD commit to you, if he would marry you, if he would be a daddy on his own, then let me ask you a question, Darlin': why, pray tell me, did you have to resort to trickery to accomplish this, hmmm? I know, and I rest my case! Just because you choose to call it something else does NOT change what it is.
What I find especially offensive is how she doesn't even BRING UP any mention of what he wants; it's as if what your man wants doesn't matter. Witness her wording. "Hey, the timing is right for ME (emphasis mine)". Or, let me quote this gem from earlier in the paragraph: "...it's just about the fact that you want a kid." YOU want a kid, not him! Who do you think you are dictating what someone else can do, hmmm?
Railroading a guy into parenthood isn't just some "baby daddy" soap-opera scenario. You'll never hear the ladies'-room chatter that leads people like Jody to feel justified, but to get some idea of it, consider this: A woman's fertility peaks when she's between the ages of 20 and 24, according to Mayo Clinic statistics. By the time she's 35 to 39, it's already wilted by 25 to 50 percent. And from there the options aren't always so attractive: The average cost of in vitro fertilization in the United States is $100,000 per baby—and insurance generally won't pay a cent. Combine that with the shifting social mores about single motherhood and having kids outside of marriage, and you've got a pretty good explanation for why some women, particularly ones in stable relationships, don't see this as trickery at all—it's more like a nudge.
An oopsie is one HELL of a nudge! More like walking the plank, if you ask me...
"A lot of us feel like it's not even really fair that men should get to vote, considering they could be 72 and, with a little Viagra, have another baby," says Vicki Iovine, author of The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy. "For us women, it's really a limited window. We know that boys who grow up to become men don't necessarily want to be men. They like to be boys. And so women say, 'You know what? He's gonna just have to snap out of it—and my pregnancy will be the thing to do it.'" The end, says Iovine, sometimes justifies the means. "Any guy with a heart and soul, and preferably with a job, once he sees the baby on the sonogram or hears the heartbeat, will melt," she says.
Yeah, but we men get to PAY for any babies though, huh, Vicki? If we can't have a vote on what happens to the child, then we shouldn't have to pay for it, either. You cannot have rights without responsibilities, nor can you have responsibilities without rights. They're hand and glove; they're two sides of the same coin; you cannot have one without the other-end of story. BTW, you're a strong, independent, empowered woman; you don't NEED no stinkin' man, nor do you need his money-except when it's divorce time...
And who the HELL do you think you are, Vicki, passing judgment on whether we're 'grown up' enough for your tastes? How DARE you say that you'll just have to force us snap out of it-how dare you, you bitch! You can call it what you will, but that's imposing your will on someone else. Yeah, you read that right; you're IMPOSING YOUR WILL on someone else!
It doesn't matter what HE thinks; it doesn't matter what he wants; it doesn't matter what his wishes are in the matter. You want a child, so you're going to have one. You're going to do WHAT you want, WHEN you want, HOW you want, and the HELL with anyone else! You know what I call that? I call it immature; I call it selfish; I can call it many things, but 'grown up' is not one of them, Darlin'...
Oh, and one more thing: why don't you gals have babies WITHIN that limited window of yours, hmmm? Why do you go to school, pursue a career, and bang a boatload of bad boys until your 30s? Why do you wait until AFTER your window is closing fast before you decide to have a child, hmmm?
Yes, you gals have a limited window; it's nice to see you admit the obvious, and acknowledge reality. It's about damn time! But, I have to ask you a few questions now. One, who compelled you to wait till AFTER your fertility peaked? Why didn't you go about finding and marrying a man who wanted children while you were in your 20s? Why did you wait till 30 or later before you realized that you wanted a child, hmmm? Whose fault is it that YOU waited till 30 or beyond to have children, Vicki? Finally, what gives you the right to FORCE someone to be a father? What gives YOU the right to do this, when it was YOUR FAULT for waiting too long in the first place?! Sheesh, you're freakin' unbelievable...
Just how many women act on that presumption is hard to say. According to FDA figures, one in a thousand of them should get pregnant over the course of a year if they're using the Pill exactly as prescribed. But it is estimated that in reality 50 times that many get pregnant. There's no way of knowing how much of that disparity can be explained away by "intentional" oversight, but that's a big gap to chalk up to carelessness. And though there was a time when flushing the Pill down the toilet was fodder for Jerry Springer, the rules have changed. "I've been hearing a lot about this lately, and it's coming into the educated and wealthy classes, too," says Pepper Schwartz, a relationships expert for Perfectmatch.com and professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle (she does not support the practice). "These women can afford to take care of the child."
Yes, fifty times MORE women getting pregnant while on the Pill would seem to qualify as premeditated, willful, DELIBERATE deception on the part of the women in question.
Oh, and just because a selfish career bitch can AFFORD to take care of a child doesn't mean that she should. Children of single mothers comprise an OVERWHELMING majority of criminals and prisoners. That's real nice-condemning your child to a life of penal servitude all because YOU wanted to have a kid. It's ALL about you, isn't it Sweet Pee?
Many of them will probably have to. We don't hear about the cases in which a guy suspects he's been duped into fatherhood- but ultimately turns to mush in the soft glow of the sonogram monitor. But as cavalier as certain women are about the "nudge," not all men react so favorably when the "good news" is delivered—especially if they find out they've been snowed. Jody's boyfriend more or less freaked out. She terminated the pregnancy, then their relationship slowly dissolved. "It felt a little like the fun was taken out of everything," she says. "He was shocked and scared."
Man, I don't even know WHAT to say in response to this clueless drivel. Your man was shocked & scared, huh? And your relationship slowly dissolved, huh? What a surprise! I'd be pissed too if I were lied to. I don't care what the lie is about; if I've been lied to, I am upset-especially if it cost me dearly.
Last year, Matt Dubay, a 25-year-old computer programmer in Saginaw, Michigan, says he had the same reaction when his girlfriend, Lauren Wells, allegedly pulled something similar. Dubay claims she told him she was infertile and was using a contraceptive "as an extra layer of assurance and protection." But when she got pregnant anyway and told Dubay she was keeping the baby, he said he wanted no part of it. Earlier this year, he argued in court that her alleged deception should exempt him from having to pay child support. His lawyer, Jeffrey Cojocar, reasoned that Michigan's paternity law violated the Constitution's equal-protection clause: If the situation were reversed and Dubay had gotten Wells pregnant after claiming he was sterile, he'd have no way of forcing her either to keep or to abort the child. The judge didn't buy his argument, but it's helped open a broadening national dialogue: Where do you draw the line between deadbeat dad and victim of deceit?
The judge didn't buy his argument because he is PART of the Gynocracy. Men don't have rights, and that judge was seeing to it that this despicable practice continued.
Where do I draw the line between deadbeat dad and deceit? Let's look at what Dictionary.com has for a definition for the word, deceit: the act or practice of deceiving; concealment or distortion of the truth for the purpose of misleading; duplicity; fraud; cheating: Once she exposed their deceit, no one ever trusted them again. What did his then girlfriend, Lauren Wells do? She told him that: 1) she was infertile; and 2) was using a contraceptive as an extra layer of protection. If that were true, then HOW did she end up pregnant? She ended up pregnant because she WAS fertile, and she was NOT using protection-totally opposite of what she said. I'd say that Mr. Dubay's situation qualified as deceit, wouldn't you? Her actions seem to conform to the definition of the word...
"This case has actually been more of a movement," Cojocar says. "I probably got four or five hundred e-mails—many of them from females." The women Cojocar says he was hearing from were angry because their significant others were supporting exes who they suspected had pulled a sneak pregnancy. Cojocar is appealing the case to the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals in Cincinnati. In the meantime, Dubay is paying $500 a month in child support.
The case has become a cause célèbre for the National Center for Men (NCM), a men's-rights advocacy group that counsels people like Dubay through its website, www.nationalcenterformen.org—so much so that the organization's picking up the tab for his court costs. It's even trademarked the case: "Roe vs. Wade . . . for Men."
"Matt is asking for the reproductive choice he would have had if he were 'Mattilda,'" the website says. The NCM doesn't have much contact with men who acquiesce to their role as new fathers. The guys who come to the organization see their situations as deception in its purest form.
"A lot of these men feel like they have no control," says Mel Feit, the NCM's executive director. "The courts are ruthless in enforcing getting money and not asking questions. Judges aren't allowing the fraud argument, either."
Mel, a lot of those men feel like they have no control because they truly do NOT have any control or rights when it comes to paternity fraud.
As for the courts, they are about anything and everything BUT justice! They don't care if they go after the wrong man for child support; they don't care if a man is innocent. All they care about is recovering money for the state's welfare program-that's it! Thanks to the welfare reform act that the Republicans passed back in the 1990s, a woman HAS to name the father of her child in order to collect welfare benefits. The state, with its ravenous appetite for money, will go after a man for the money. Sometimes, they get the right man; sometimes they don't. In either case, they don't care; all they care about is getting more money in their coffers...
The NCM actually offers the "Reproductive Rights Affidavit" (think of it as the sexual equivalent of a living will), which challenges "any court order that seeks to impose a parental obligation upon me against my will." Unfortunately for Jeremy, a 35-year-old technical consultant and musician in New York, the affidavit doesn't provide a legal cover for now. He thought he'd found himself a nice girl. He had just split with his longtime fiancée but explains that this new woman was saying all the right things—even when it came to practical matters. She was on the Pill. She was pro-choice. So she and Jeremy (who's using a fake name) enjoyed a couple of months of unprotected intimacy.
Ah, you let your guard down-bad move, my friend! Especially when it comes to women. Furthermore, you're a DUMB ASS for having sex with a woman in her 30s-a real dumb ass! Women in their 30s often have a serious case of 'baby rabies'; they realize that their window of fertility is closing fast, and they want to have a kid before it closes. You're especially dumb for having UNPROTECTED SEX with this woman-dumb ass X2.
Then things got weird. She mysteriously quit drinking. She disappeared for days at a time. She told him she was considering going off birth control, though she assured him she hadn't yet. By July, Jeremy had had enough and broke things off. Then in August, he says, she told him she was pregnant and was keeping it. "She was pregnant all of May, all of June, and all of July," Jeremy says. "I said, 'Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?' She's like, 'I didn't want you to influence my decision.' Something that has potential impact on me for the rest of my life, she doesn't want me influencing her decision!?"
Dude, it was ALL ABOUT HER-all about her! It was all about what SHE wanted. It was all about HER desires. She didn't want you reminding her that her actions impacted another human being; she wanted what she wanted, and that was that. The fact that this would impact you for the rest of her life didn't matter to her.
More than a year and $6,500 in legal fees later, Jeremy has a 7-month-old boy he's never met, a child-support case pending, and a judge who's less than sympathetic toward his allegations of contraceptive deceit. Even his own attorney told him he'd better ditch that dream of becoming a full-time musician and focus on the computer gig that he'd hoped would only supplement his income: "She was like, 'You know what? You gotta be a man. You're gonna have to have a job 40 hours a week, and you need to support this child—this is your responsibility and your obligation.' And I'm thinking to myself, like, 'How is all of this my responsibility and my obligation when none of this was my choice?'"
It's your responsibility because The Gynocracy has SAID it's your responsibility, pal! Oh, and burn this into your mind: you have NO RIGHTS WHATSOEVER when it comes to marriage, divorce, or paternity issues-none!
And what about this woman growing up and being a WOMAN, hmmm? What about being honest with your man? What about talking to him about your desire to have a child? Why weren't you HONEST about your contraceptive use? What about growing up, finding a WILLING man, marrying him, and giving that child TWO PARENTS, huh? Yeah, what you did was REAL grown up-not! Because you wanted a child come hell or high water, you're willing to CONDEMN that child to underclass status just to satisfy YOUR desires; you want a child, so you're going to HAVE one, Bless God! The fact that you're condemning the poor kid to underclass status doesn't matter to you; all that matters is that you got your kid. That's real grown up if you ask me. That's REALLY mature-not...
The ONLY way for a man to protect himself is to REFRAIN FROM HAVING SEX WITH A WOMAN. If she does say that you got her pregnant, insist on a DNA test! Please, please, please insist on a DNA test before you sign ANY paternity papers! Why? Because, depending on whose numbers you believe, between 10% and 30% of putative fathers are not the BIOLOGICAL father of the child in question! IOW, if a woman points the finger and says that YOU knocked her up, there's a 10%-30% chance that someone ELSE is the father. Once you sign those papers, you're screwed; it doesn't matter if you get a DNA test after the fact, either. Once you sign the papers saying that you're the daddy, then you're on the hook for the next 20 years; the courts WILL force you to pay for that child, even though it's not yours.
In closing, do not have premarital sex. Not only is abstention the only 100% effective contraceptive; abstention will keep you from catching diseases, and there's a very good chance your beloved is carrying one or more STDs-just something to think about. If you insist on having sex, ALWAYS USE PROTECTION; once you're done with it, YOU make sure you dispose of it somewhere where your beloved can't get to it; otherwise, she could get your used condom, and use your genetic materials to IMPREGNATE HERSELF! Don't laugh; it's happened, and that poor SOB was on the hook for it. If you don't like using protection, then get a vasectomy; get snipped, so you cannot leave your genetic materials in someone. Sorry, but that's the way it is. Since most American women are dishonest about contraceptive use, and since most American women are diseased whores carrying host of STDs, I think abstaining from sex is your only hope of staying single and free. Thank you, and good night...