Here's Part III of F&S's "Controlling Lust" series.
Dealing with Beautiful Women in General
Now that we understand the components of lust, let us turn our attention to some techniques a man can use to defuse his lust and reassert control over his own desires. The following techniques deal with the object of desire, the beautiful woman that comes into our presence either physically or mentally. The underlying approach is to place the object of desire in a harsher light than to which we are accustomed.
The Cold Eye
The Cold Eye technique is crude but effective: don’t look at a beautiful woman any longer than you would look at another person. You are not deliberately averting your eyes all the time, but neither are you staring at women the way a cheetah does a baby antelope. Basically, the idea is not to feed your arousal any more than the opportunity permits. This technique is especially helpful in dealing with media images of beautiful women. If you catch a glimpse of a gorgeous model on a billboard, for instance, don’t dwell on it. Move on. Why? Because there is nothing to see. Pretty women are a dime a dozen, and you should never forget that.
Undress the Beauty
Instead of undressing a woman’s body in your mind, you should undress her beauty. In other words, stop thinking about how good she looks, and put a more realistic spin on her womanhood. There are several aspects of women that you can choose to dwell upon in a critical fashion:
1. Sexual History: If a woman is scantily clad, then that’s all the more reason for you to reflect on her low morals and the possibility of her being involved in a promiscuous lifestyle. Contemplate yourself being cuckolded by a woman like her or catching STDs from her. Imagine some low-life freak sticking his tongue in her face, and imagine her enjoying it.
2. Intelligence: Many pretty women have never bothered to apply themselves intellectually. Imagine the torment you might face of trying to carry on a conversation with a beautiful woman you see. Imagine the disappointment you might feel when you realize she is shallow in her thinking and behavior.
3. Emotional Stability: Physically attractive women can be neurotic just like everyone else. How would you like to live with an emotionally disturbed person on a daily basis? Consider that a lot of women in the sex industry have a drug habit, have eating disorders, have been in abusive relationships, have illegitimate kids, etc. Think about these things the next time you see a pin-up girl.
4. Materialism: So many women are mercenary in their relationships. They don’t care about you as a person. Power and status are their real lovers. So, imagine the apple of your eye telling you in nasal tone that you are a loser and that you don’t have what she wants (i.e., money).
5. Attention-Seeking Behavior: Consider that your beloved most likely has a large ego and thrives on the attention men give her. She has no plans for giving you what you desire. She got what she want and most likely does not care that you have been left frustrated on the sidelines.
5. Hateful Behavior: Consider that a beautiful woman may have a degree of hostility towards men. She may be a feminist, or consider herself a victim of “Patriarchy.” She might be the kind of person that cuts you off from your friends, hobbies, and dreams. Consider the idea of her bankrupting you in divorce court. Imagine her being abusive emotionally or physically.
6. Physical Beauty: Addressing this factor is going for the jugular. Think about the biological processes that women start go though as the years progress. Their skin wrinkles, they start to retain body fat, etc. They age faster than men! One day, you will look around and wonder where the elitist princesses of your generation went. All you will notice are dumpy looking ladies with terrible personalities. The change starts happening after the age of 35. Do you still want to pin your future and self-worth as a man on something as transitory as the way a woman looks?
When you start thinking intently and critically on one or more of these characteristics, you will most likely feel your desire wane. You will notice that the beautiful woman you see doesn’t seem so sublime anymore. Her stature in your mind shrivels up and shrinks in importance.
The Disintegration Button
Whenever the image of an attractive woman enters your mind, reflect on how she is hurting you by causing the physical discomfort and mental distress associated with sexual tension. After all, she arouses you, but refuses to makes herself available for the physical and emotional intimacy you desire. You should consider her as being no better than a tease and thus not worthy of existing in your mind. Imagine yourself pushing a disintegration button and envision her body being atomized into a billion pixels.
Male Super-Hero vs. Female Sex Villain
This technique will likely sound hilarious to many readers, and yet it can serve as some comic relief for the tension you may feel in a given circumstance. Imagine you are the representative of men everywhere, pitted in a battle between the sexes. You are not going to allow feminists and other women who don’t respect men to reduce guys to useful idiots. Therefore, when approached by a female, you should see yourself as having special abilities in resisting the beauty emanating from her body. In your mind, imagine her special powers of seduction and beguilement melting away in the presence of your masculinity. Imagine yourself blasting her into the next star system with your Ion Beam of Male Indifference!
Dealing with a Beautiful Friend
The aforementioned techniques are effective for dealing with beautiful women we don’t know. However, additional caution is needed when dealing with woman we do know. In such a case, you cannot afford to get aroused by a female friend’s body if you cannot afford the fallout of losing the ability to think.
There are several potential pitfalls in personally interacting with a beautiful woman. If she befriends you, it may be because she wants to take advantage of you. Even if she is sincerely affectionate towards you, her feelings may nonetheless change later on. You both may end up assuming things about each other, only to find yourselves disappointed. Also, she may be have a limitation of how intimate she wants to be with you; maybe she sees you just as a friend.
Another thing to keep in mind that sexual arousal is like alcohol. It impairs your judgment. Let’s expand the analogy further: People often take precautions if they know they are going to drink socially. They may even appoint someone as a “designated driver” to bring them home from some public event. In the same fashion, you need to be aware of your surroundings and who your with not before you choose to have sex, but before you choose to succumb to your arousal!
You must continually remind yourself that arousal is dangerous around a woman that has not completely divulged to you who she is as a person. Men should not trust their sexuality to women who have not demonstrated they will give him a steady and reliable source of love, compassion, and assistance. Don’t allow your male ego to fool you into thinking you can flirt with disaster. Really, it is a simple thing to just keep women as friends or acquaintances only, leaving romance out of the picture. You only need to look at married men to realize that it is often easier to live without a woman than it is to live with one.
Have a Plan
If you insist on being open to the prospects of an intimate relationship with a woman, you will need to have a plan for how such a woman might fit into your life. Perhaps it is in your best interest to move abroad to meet women. You might want to consider more traditional societies where men are still respected as human beings and are valued for their contribution to their communities. At any rate, whether you seek a foreign wife or a woman in your own culture, decide beforehand on how you are going to handle women who are attracted to you. Stick to your principles.
It is best to do a cost-benefit analysis of the various scenarios which are likely to arise when approaching attractive women. You must decide under which circumstances you will allow yourself to become vulnerable. In other circumstances, you must be resolved to turn off your sex drive. This is part and parcel of exercising complete control over your sexuality.
Have Standards She Has to Meet
Do not think of any woman as a potential mate unless you have resolved the following issues regarding her…
1. Does she go out of the way to assist you in some meaningful fashion? Does she come over to your place and cook for you? Does she take you out to eat? Does she lend you money, help you clean up a house, etc.? Remember she must show she is a real friend prior to any relationship. Talking sweetly to you, brushing up against you, hugging you, throw her arms around you, fluffing her hair, batting her eyes, etc. doesn’t count. If she is flirting with you before being demonstrating that she is a real friend, then she is trying to control you through your sexual appetite. Avoid her.
2. Would she be a good wife or mother of your children? You should ask yourself this because many women are not content with casual, short-term relationships. Many want you to commit. Would she be the kind of woman you would want to embrace after she turns wrinkled and gray?
3. Does she have a good reputation among friends, family members, and other people that you both know? Remember, people can change, so does she have a bedrock foundation of integrity and loyalty? Are their any disturbing qualities that you notice? Be honest with yourself and don’t overlook them. It doesn’t matter how charming her personality is initially. Drop her if she shows signs of being an evil flake. Your better being alone than being with her. Trust me on that.
4. What other essential qualities do you look for in your mate? What about your personal beliefs? You better determine all your essential criteria before talking to women.
As harsh as it sounds, your presupposition should be that when it comes to relationships, women are guilty until proven innocent. Why? Because quite frankly, a statistically significant amount of them are screwing up men’s lives, and society now often excuses bad behavior in women while still punishing men. The gratification of your sexual desire is not worth this price.
Just Say No
If a woman you know tries to push you into intimacy with her before you are prepared, refuse her advances. Tell her up front that you do not want a relationship with anyone you do not know well. If she gets angry, pesters you, questions your manhood, becomes critical, or engages in some other form of inappropriate behavior, then she has done you a favor by revealing what kind of woman she is. In that case, dump her.
In Case of An Emergency
There might be some instances where you find yourself unexpectedly aroused by a woman that you know. If you get aroused by a female friend, but want to reassert control over your feelings, then remember to use some of the techniques mentioned earlier. For instance, you can undress her beauty in your mind by reflecting on the kind of woman she might really be. Another option is to just get away from her. It sounds drastic, but remember that your friendship with her is not worth the cost of you losing your mind and doing something you’ll later regret. After all, you can live happily without women.
Sometimes a woman you know may enter your mind and cause you to become aroused. One way to defuse the tension is to think of the image in your brain as an evil impostor trying to destroy your peace of mind. Since the imposter is not the real woman, you can mentally disintegrate it.
If She’s Already Taken
There are times when you might find yourself aroused by an attractive woman already in a relationship with another man. You need not be the lamb lead to the slaughter. In such a case, simply imagine her significant other seeing you naked and him knowing what you are thinking about his woman!
What did I tell you? Is that good stuff, or what?! Thank you to Faith & Society for leaving these pearls of wisdom up!