As you know, I've been following MTV's Jersey Shore since it aired over two years ago. It's so gosh darn bad (in a train wreck sort of way) that I can't help but watch it! Over @ Ferdinand Bardamu's place, there was a post about MTV's hit show. In the comments, a chap by the name of Canon's Canon said that the show is a veritable petri dish for studying 'Game'. While he has a point, that's not the tack I wish to pursue.
Canon's Canon is right about one thing: MTV's Jersey Shore is a petri dish for studying relationships. To me though, it's a petri dish of what NOT to do for pursuit of a healthy relationship. In that show, one can see everything that one can do wrong to pursue a healthy relationship, i.e. one that is a blessing & enrichment to both parties involved.
How does MTV's Jersey Shore show us what NOT to do? Where do I start?! One, both men & women are pursuing relationships based on attraction only. Two, we don't see anyone really getting to KNOW one another-and I don't mean Biblically, either! Three, guys & gals bed down at the drop of a hat.
The first thing that jumped out at me when watching MTV's breakout show, Jersey Shore, is that both the guys & girls are chasing one another SOLELY based on attraction; it's the only litmus test being used by either sex these days! I've seen no attempt by either the men or the women (am I being too generous with those descriptors?) to REALLY get to know their partners on the inside. The only question they ask is this: is he/she hot? Does he/she get my hormones racing? WTF are you doing, people?!
The second thing I noticed is this: the men & women aren't getting to know one another. I haven't see ANY substantive discussions on current events. I've seen no substantive discussions about money & finances. I've seen no discussion or even mention about future goals. I haven't seen any discussions about ANYTHING of substance-nothing! These aforementioned issues are what I call 'make or break' issues; these are issues that can, and often do, sink relationships. Men & women are pursuing relationships with one another while having no idea of who the other is as a person-none!
The third thing I've noticed on Jersey Shore is that guys & gals hop into bed with one another almost instantly. What are you doing, folks?! Ronnie & Sammi, after only a few talks and one date hopped into bed with each other! I'm sorry, but that's way too soon to have sex with someone! Even if one doesn't believe in saving it for marriage, doing it right after meeting someone is too damn soon! If younger men (and especially younger women) are doing this, is it any wonder that STDs are so prevalent? Is it any wonder that there's so much angst about relationships?!
What ends up happening is this: relationships are based on little more than sex. In far too many modern relationships, the only glue holding them together is the physical. There is little or no mental connection made between the man and the woman. There is little or no emotional connection made. Finally, there is little or no spiritual connection made. In order for a relationship to last-REALLY LAST-it has to have all four elements present; there have to be mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical bindings holding it together. Only then will a relationship have what it takes to last. When there's only one binding (especially when it's the physical, as is usually the case in modern relationships) holding it together, the relationship simply doesn't have the strength to withstand any serious stress.
Men & women are pursuing one another based on attraction; granted, the attractants are different for men and women, but they're pursuing one another based on attraction nonetheless. Sorry, but attraction != love. It never has, and it never will. I'm not saying that your beloved should be repulsive, but attraction alone cannot and should not be the sole basis of a healthy relationship.
Here's what's happening. Man & woman get involved with each other solely based on their attraction for one another. They do not really get go KNOW one another. The relationship progresses to the point of marriage. The marriage inevitably has tough times, which stress the relationship. Only then do the husband and wife realize that they're complete strangers! Only then do they realize that they do not really, truly know one another. Only then do they realize that they're not at all in agreement on the 'make or break' issues. Is it any WONDER we have so many divorces?! Come to think of it, it's a wonder we have any marriages that survive at all, given the shaky foundation on which they're built.
In closing, MTV's hit show, Jersey Shore, shows us what's wrong with modern relationships, and the way that men & women approach them. Attraction is the only litmus test used to determine who's 'right' for them. It never occurs to men & women that there has to be SOMETHING else to get them through the next 30 years. Because modern relationships don't have that something else to survive long term, they end up being train wrecks, littering the human landscape with hurt, pain, anger, and goodness knows what else. In light of this, it's a wonder there aren't more divorces! Until next time...
MarkyMark
7 comments:
Man, how can you watch that trash? Once was enough for me.
Totally agree with your assessment. The problem is, young men and women have never been taught what to look for in a spouse, probably because their parents don't know either. The only criterion is "hotness" which is the only measuring stick they see on MSM shows like Jersey Shore.
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I like Jersey Shore. It shows a group of individuals taking emotional decisions most of the time. And that makes it a great show to learn about human behaviour.
MarkyMark, I think that you're being too sentimental in your comments. Getting to know one another is a romantic ideal. To have sex, a man doesn't need to know a woman on the inside. He doesn't even need to know anything about her at all. However, he does have to let himself be known to a woman in order to give her the opportunity to like him. If she does, then he escalates the interaction until they have sex. A man doesn't need to know her in order to have sex with her. But he has to validate her interest on him by pretending to be interested on her. It really doesn't matter what she says. This works because a woman's decisions are mostly based on emotions. That is, women mostly take emotional decisions. Generally speaking, women are the least rational human beings.
Since women are emotional human beings for their most part, they are generally not interested in current events, money & finances or future goals. Women just wanna have fun, and logical topics are not fun for them. A man's logic hinders a woman's feelings. Therefore, a man reserves such logical topics for conversations with his mates, and online discussions with other men. Since men tend to be more rational than women, they are the ones who enjoy logical topics, not women.
To have a long-lasting relationship, no mental, emotional or spiritual connection is needed between man and woman. In fact, a man doesn't need to have any connection whatsoever. The woman, however, has to be given the opportunity to develop an emotional connection with her man. But it is the man who develops that connection within her. He does that by being the dominant partner, by making her associate him with positive emotions, by rewarding her wisely, by conditioning her behaviour, by allowing her to invest in the relationship. However, the likelihood of a long-lasting relationship has been diminished by the legal environment, which has been perverted by feminism, as you well know.
Regarding sex, the soonest a man has sex with a woman, the better. Otherwise, his emotions might guide his behaviour, in which case he will become, unwittingly, the submissive partner.
Yep, sex asap
Sex is the only way to redirect all those bonding chemicals, keeping her to the badboy shes banging atm
Anon0232,
I have to disagree with you. While what you say may be true WRT flings & bangs, it's not conducive to a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. For example, a majority of divorces involve money issues. If you don't have anything in common with your wife to be concerning money, then you're headed for problems.
I'm not advocating marriage; if anything, my raison d'etre is about warning guys AWAY from marriage! That said, most guys will marry; it's still the norm for people. Ergo, you have to have more in common than just sex, because you'll otherwise be strangers to one another.
When it comes to money, that's what I call a 'make or break' issue; it's an issue that can and will make or break a relationship. If a guy's frugal and has simple tastes when it comes to homes & furniture, while his wife has opposite tastes, how does that promote harmony, or any semblance thereof, in a relationship? How do you find out about a person's attitudes towards money if the parties involved don't DISCUSS these issues?
Finally, we're human beings; we're more than just animals. Yes, we have base desires and instincts, but, unlike animals, we're not SLAVES to them; we have the capability to rise above mere instinctive behavior. What you say would apply to barnyard animals, but not to more fully developed humans.
To put it another way, I don't think that there's such a thing as animal rights. I don't advocate cruelty to animals or anything, but I don't think animals can have rights, either. Why? Because, unlike humans, they're INCAPABLE OF EXERCISING rights.
MarkyMark
To keep a relationship going, a man doesn't need to look for things in common with a woman. A man lets the woman look for things in common with him because then she will rationalize her feelings for him. Likewise, she will rationalize her feelings for him by finding things in common with him. Eventually, she becomes a reflection of the man she loves.
You don't need to find out about a woman's attitude towards money. You can safely assume that she wants it all. A woman is like a galactic black hole for money. This is because a woman's decisions are mostly based on emotions. As a man, it is you who is the voice of reason in a relationship. Don't expect her to be. As both the dominant partner and the rational one, it is you who keep control over logical things such as household budget. In your example regarding furniture, you have to question yourself whether you are going to impose what you want on her by buying the frugal furniture that you want, or whether you are going to reward her for her good behaviour by buying the expensive furniture that she wants. If you are going to do the latter, your expensive reward has to be proportional with her consistent good behaviour; otherwise, you might be investing more in the relationship than she is.
Generally speaking, women are slaves to their desires and instincts. Men don't need to be. A man can become a logical man in full control of his feelings who lets his woman be what she is: a homo sapiens mostly driven by emotions.
Markymark is right on. I wonder if you guys are married, or have even been married? I don't know how chronic bachelor Mark knows, but he is exactly correct.
I am married 36.5 years to a Mexican wife, currently living in a Third World village in Mexico.
A couple need not be a perfect match, but they cannot be a perfect mismatch and stay married more than a very short time. (By marriage I mean LTR, I guess.)
Some of this chatter is pure game, not based on marriage as such.
Anonymous age 69
You know that crappy reality TV isn't actual reality, right?
I'm going to assume this was a humorous post. Good one, man! It was almost as good as your Onion article rebuttal (classic!)
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