I was hangin' out @ Happy Bachelors, and I saw this posted. It's originally from the Don't Marry archives, and I thought that my boys would like to see it here...
-------------------
Marriage is the cradle of mediocrity.
Why Marriage is Bad for Men
By Mac Mcmann
Did you ever see a truly happily married man under the age of say sixty? I mean a real man, one that could help you move a couch, or run a software company. A real man has direction in his life, goals, ambitions; a real man takes the life given to him, and creates something that is a reflection of him. He uses all his abilities everyday, every way he can think of, and when he is done with his current task he moves on to another one. These men are rarely married, and even rarer happily married, they are the snow leopard compared to the house cat. And the reason these men are not married, is because marriage is confining, defining, and boring.
The biggest enemy to a life fulfilled is routine and boredom, ala marriage. Marriage is a trap laid early by society, misery loves company. The miserable peddle this lifestyle. Women lay the trap with lots of sex, good food, a clean bathroom, all can be yours, if you just get married, never again will you go without the gifts a woman can bring. The life seeking man recognizes those traps ahead of time. They are not the lions at the bottom of the pit with the slab of meat dangling precariously over it. They see the trap of marriage ahead of time, the trap of being snared and held up for public viewing with four walls around you.
Married men are on display, a zoo animal that does what he is told, eats when told, works when told, hell they even copulate when they are told. They try to make their little display the best of anyone they know. Look at me in my suburbia American dream, look at my house, look at my boat, and look at how my kid can pitch. Aren’t I doing great? Aren’t I?
And then there are men who do what they want, when they want. These are the men usually loathed by the domesticated men, loathed by the society at large, most of whom dwell in their cages. And then these men are later featured on 60 Minutes for what they have become when they re-write the rules of their particular endeavor. And they did it all without being bored, without being told what to do, and without being married to a woman who thinks it is her job to tame the beast, and churn out a carbon copy of the man in the next cul-de-sac.
Man can survive all sorts of tragedies and set backs in their time on Earth. But accepting boredom is accepting death. It is not greed, violence, jealousy, desire or any other trait but boredom that is the ultimate downfall of man. An unwillingness to fight boredom with the ferocity of a mother bear is acceptance of a life not worth living.
Marriage is the cradle of mediocrity and is beaten into our heads as the thing to do all our childhood. Grow up, fall in love, get a job, and then have kids. In our society marriage is the stage for child rearing. Boys don’t have real men in their home as role models. That is why boys idolize celebrities. They are starving for role models of success, of individualism, of vision and achievement, not someone who spends all day playing yes man, and then can’t even remember the hot sauce at the take out.
Unfortunately for many men they recognize the trappings, after the life of domesticity has firmly gripped their soul. Breaking away is not easy, but it is done on a frequent basis. The saddest thing to see is these men given their freedom at a huge financial cost, and then what do they do with their freedom? They go right back into another zoo, another cage, thinking it will be better with a different zoo keeper. But entrapment is entrapment, no better the quality of the trap.
Then these twice fooled creatures are seen lying to the world and to themselves saying that they are happily married. Like a trained poodle they jump through all the hoops their wife and boss put before him, after completing each trick they pant their little tongue, wag their little tail, and await the kibble for their little reward. Good doggie, good doggie, you play your cards right for the next six days, you might get some Saturday night. Or kiss up for the next seven years and you just might be Junior Executive. And all the while he holds his wife up like a trophy, his quality of entrapment defines him, as he trades up for the biggest cage.
He plays life like it is a monopoly game, go around and around and avoid landing on anything painful. He seeks comfort, safety, and sameness. And you can see it in his eyes, the boredom of a meaningless game, playing by rules he didn’t invent.
The choice is each of ours, on the one hand you have certain boredom until death, and on the other you have the unknown. Not monopoly but a pirate’s adventure, things can go wrong, there can be pain, there can be real fear, but there will never be boredom.
Unfortunately most men choose the boredom without really knowing the alternative was so obvious. Does the snow leopard want the one sure meal at the cost of his freedom, or would he rather starve in a blizzard seeking the last rabbit in his territory. The choice is yours.
By Mac Mcmann
Did you ever see a truly happily married man under the age of say sixty? I mean a real man, one that could help you move a couch, or run a software company. A real man has direction in his life, goals, ambitions; a real man takes the life given to him, and creates something that is a reflection of him. He uses all his abilities everyday, every way he can think of, and when he is done with his current task he moves on to another one. These men are rarely married, and even rarer happily married, they are the snow leopard compared to the house cat. And the reason these men are not married, is because marriage is confining, defining, and boring.
The biggest enemy to a life fulfilled is routine and boredom, ala marriage. Marriage is a trap laid early by society, misery loves company. The miserable peddle this lifestyle. Women lay the trap with lots of sex, good food, a clean bathroom, all can be yours, if you just get married, never again will you go without the gifts a woman can bring. The life seeking man recognizes those traps ahead of time. They are not the lions at the bottom of the pit with the slab of meat dangling precariously over it. They see the trap of marriage ahead of time, the trap of being snared and held up for public viewing with four walls around you.
Married men are on display, a zoo animal that does what he is told, eats when told, works when told, hell they even copulate when they are told. They try to make their little display the best of anyone they know. Look at me in my suburbia American dream, look at my house, look at my boat, and look at how my kid can pitch. Aren’t I doing great? Aren’t I?
And then there are men who do what they want, when they want. These are the men usually loathed by the domesticated men, loathed by the society at large, most of whom dwell in their cages. And then these men are later featured on 60 Minutes for what they have become when they re-write the rules of their particular endeavor. And they did it all without being bored, without being told what to do, and without being married to a woman who thinks it is her job to tame the beast, and churn out a carbon copy of the man in the next cul-de-sac.
Man can survive all sorts of tragedies and set backs in their time on Earth. But accepting boredom is accepting death. It is not greed, violence, jealousy, desire or any other trait but boredom that is the ultimate downfall of man. An unwillingness to fight boredom with the ferocity of a mother bear is acceptance of a life not worth living.
Marriage is the cradle of mediocrity and is beaten into our heads as the thing to do all our childhood. Grow up, fall in love, get a job, and then have kids. In our society marriage is the stage for child rearing. Boys don’t have real men in their home as role models. That is why boys idolize celebrities. They are starving for role models of success, of individualism, of vision and achievement, not someone who spends all day playing yes man, and then can’t even remember the hot sauce at the take out.
Unfortunately for many men they recognize the trappings, after the life of domesticity has firmly gripped their soul. Breaking away is not easy, but it is done on a frequent basis. The saddest thing to see is these men given their freedom at a huge financial cost, and then what do they do with their freedom? They go right back into another zoo, another cage, thinking it will be better with a different zoo keeper. But entrapment is entrapment, no better the quality of the trap.
Then these twice fooled creatures are seen lying to the world and to themselves saying that they are happily married. Like a trained poodle they jump through all the hoops their wife and boss put before him, after completing each trick they pant their little tongue, wag their little tail, and await the kibble for their little reward. Good doggie, good doggie, you play your cards right for the next six days, you might get some Saturday night. Or kiss up for the next seven years and you just might be Junior Executive. And all the while he holds his wife up like a trophy, his quality of entrapment defines him, as he trades up for the biggest cage.
He plays life like it is a monopoly game, go around and around and avoid landing on anything painful. He seeks comfort, safety, and sameness. And you can see it in his eyes, the boredom of a meaningless game, playing by rules he didn’t invent.
The choice is each of ours, on the one hand you have certain boredom until death, and on the other you have the unknown. Not monopoly but a pirate’s adventure, things can go wrong, there can be pain, there can be real fear, but there will never be boredom.
Unfortunately most men choose the boredom without really knowing the alternative was so obvious. Does the snow leopard want the one sure meal at the cost of his freedom, or would he rather starve in a blizzard seeking the last rabbit in his territory. The choice is yours.
-------------------
I thought that was good, so I stayed up a few minutes late to share it. Good night, and remember Fellas: stay single, happy, and free; the life you save may be your own! Until next time...
MarkyMark
6 comments:
"And then these men are later featured on 60 Minutes for what they have become when they re-write the rules of their particular endeavor. "
Most men on 60 minutes are married.
Most successful men are married according to any study you look at (sometimes they are serially married or have affairs, but they marry).
By contrast, most bachelors are omegas. Look at the statistics, its the lower class that isn't getting married. I don't see many house painters or burger flippers on 60 minutes.
At one time it wasn't that way. But, once we changed from a rural nation to a metropolitan nation, and all the indigenous were on reservations, life is boring, boring, boring in the USA. I am not especially bored here in my Third World village in rural Mexico, but when I go back to Hell, oh, is it bad!
In fact, often I tell people there is simply nothing to do in the US, and I have to get out again.
I would not be surprised if men living the rural life today in the US are much less bored, but that is strictly a guess.
I think some of the problem, for sure in my life, is most of our life we have to do what we are told. School -- obey or suffer the wrath. Work -- all day work on projects assigned by your employer. Home -- well, you covered that in most married lives. Boy Scouts with your son -- follow the instructions of the BSA program, and as decided by the parents' committee.
B-O-R-I-N-G!!!!!
One of my better experiences was as editor of a local Mensa newsletter for five years around 1980. I made all decisions. How to print it. Editorial policies. How to mail it. I didn't do much of anything like the other local newsletters did. And, it was extremely successful. Why? Because I got to do it my way.
You bachelors get to do things your own way every day, after work. At work, you are no better off than a married man at work, but you do have the rest of the day to do exactly what you want to do.
I do not want you to think all married men are strictly on leash 24/7. From 1989 till 1997, when we retired, I went to Mexico City by myself the month of December each year. And, perhaps three months a year I am in my little village while my wife is in the USA.
I think when a man is dominated 24/7/365, it is because his dominatrix threatens him with divorce if he does not obey, and he blinks.
I worked for many years with a man who said he was convinced the decision to dominate or be dominated happened in the first two weeks of a marriage. In that first two weeks will always come a difference of opinion, and Cupcake says do it my way or I am going home to mother. The husband is frantic to think his marriage is already breaking up, so he gives in. For the rest of his miserable life. After that, she well knows all she has to do is threaten him with divorce and he obeys, no matter how oppressive or stupid her demands are.
Anonymous age 69
Anon69,
I don't know why guys would be afraid of divorcing two weeks into a marriage; they'd have less to lose then vs. 10 years in. If it was me, I'd offer to HELP her pack her bags... ;)
MarkyMark
Men are more logical. Look at all that is involved in a wedding. Not only the ring, but the fortune on the wedding itself. Women are too often just plain nuts, though most men don't figure that out until they are married.
So, when a problem arises in that first two weeks, he sees it as failing right away, and he realizes all he has to do to keep his marriage going is to give in on what seems to be a minor mental hiccup on her part.
He simply does not understand he has just accepted the rules for the rest of his life.
So, since he CAN give into her, and survive it, he does. And, does for the rest of his life.
The man I worked with who told me did exactly this. Some trivial disagreement, in the first two weeks, and she threw a major tantrum and said she was going home to her mother. He smiled and told her to go ahead if she wished.
She angrily packed her suitcases, and stormed out the front door. He watched, and as she got to the curb, she walked slower and slower, and finally stopped. She stood there for a few minutes, then started crying, and came back in the house and told him she was sorry.
So, by his own admission, he treated her like s**t for the next zillion years of their marriage.
Anonymous age 69
Why do men fall for this trap time and time again?
Because they are conditioned to think they need women. I wrote about this here.
"Because they are conditioned to think they need women."
Exactly! That's all it really is.
Post a Comment