08 April 2013

How Can a Man Be Mr. Mom?


Though I posted this three years ago, this is still relevant.  The neighbors discussed here have since moved out, but their story and its points are still relevant today.  Enjoy...


It's becoming more and more common; more and more, we're seeing households in which the wife is the primary breadwinner, and the husband stays home; more and more, wives are wearing the pants in the family; more and more, we're seeing a complete role reversal of the sexes.

I can think of at least two guys who fit that description.  One is a coworker, though he's not in my department.  The other is one of my new neighbors.  My coworker, who I'll call Francisco, only works summers at my company.  During the rest of the year, he stays home with the kids, while his wife teaches school in the area.  Though he's a nice guy, I don't want to spend much time around him; something about his arrangment bothers me.  I can't say why, but it bothers me nonetheless.

My neighbor, who I don't know well (in fact, I've only met him once and seen him in passing two or three times), apparently stays home with the kids.  The couple next door have one car, and I've only seen the wife get in it to leave for work in the morning.  Now, perhaps TJ (not his real name) works too, but I leave early; perhaps I don't see him leave.  That said, I don't think he works.

Let me tell you what I've seen of that relationship.  Sam Fryman, in his book, A Man's Liberation Guide to Women, made an astute observation.  He said that all marriages will assume one of two dynamics: a father/daughter dynamic where the man is boss, or a mommy/son dynamic where the wife is boss.  When I thought about what Mr. Fryman said, I concluded that he was right; after all, a lifetime of observation confirmed this.

Next door, TJ is definitely the little boy, while his wife is the stern mother.  I've seen her speak to him in a most insulting and disrespectful manner.  Perhaps that's because she does NOT respect TJ?  I think so.  Even though I've only observed one family with a 'Mr. Mom', even though the sample size is too small to be taken seriously, the 'Mr. Mom' thing is a feminist fantasy; it does not work!  It's wicked, unnatural, emasculating, and I find it disgusting.  I can't fancy our Lord God being pleased with it either-not when he commands WOMEN to be keepers of the home...

Even before I found out about men's issues, MGTOW, etc., I was always bothered by women being more successful than me; I could not have married a woman who earned more than I did, because I would have felt like a lesser man.  Though I couldn't articulate WHY until recently, I would have been bothered by having a more successful wife.  I think that I instinctively knew that, as a man, I had to be superior to my woman; I needed to be her hero; I needed to be someone she could admire and respect.  How could a woman, being superior to her husband, admire and respect her husband?  She can't, of course.

Having said all that, I have to wonder how can a man be Mr. Mom, and see nothing wrong with it?  My coworker, Francisco, seems to be happy go lucky; he seems to love life and be happy.  While I can't say the same for my neighbor, TJ, he doesn't seem to mind his arrangment much, either.  WTF is wrong with these guys?!  How can they not be bothered by something so unnatural?!  Sorry, but I just don't get it.  I couldn't live with myself if I were a Mr. Mom!  How emasculating is that?!

If I were to marry, I'd have to be traditional all the way; otherwise, I couldn't do it.  There are roles for men, and there are roles for women.  They are-gasp-different!  That's because men and women are-gasp-different themselves-duh!  Men were meant to go out and bring home the bacon, while women were meant to fry it up.  Sorry if that's not PC, but that's the way it is.  It seems to me that, when we, as a society, adhered more to traditional sex roles, that we were happier, more well adjusted, and better off.

Those are my thoughts on this issue.  Maybe some guys have no problem being 'Mr. Mom', but I'm not one of them.  Mom is a sobriquet for women; it always has been, and it always will be.  Women were meant to stay at home, not men.  If you don't like it, then too bad.  Some things just aren't right, and the 'Mr. Mom' thing is one of them.  Until next time...



Anonymous said...


"... as you know, I deleted a bunch of my posts. I'm going through them, backing them up, and rerunning those that I consider my best or are still relevant."

Thank you very much!

Have you considered changing your color scheme to something that is easier on the eyes, like black on white with block quotes and italics?

Changing browser settings messes up other formatting, and having to choose between missing important stuff and getting headaches and after-images is an unnecessary obstacle.

Sophia said...

I respect your opinion, Marky Mark, and I've met many people online who share your sentiments...most of them Christians like yourself. However, I have down my own research on this topic and have met men in real life who are/were househusbands or who would like nothing more than to *be* househusbands. So far, I have a sample size of 30 men, only 2 of which said they'd react as you would.

For the ones who are/were househusbands, their reasons for it were;
-got laid off and cannot find a job
-they quit their jobs to get Bachelors or Masters
-they couldn't afford daycare anymore, and the wife made more so he stays at home
-the wife is a teacher during the year, and he is a landscaper during the summer
-he has a "from home" business, so it makes more sense for him to watch the children/clean

For the 10 men who have never been househusbands, their responses to the idea of this is very telling;
-He still has the penis, therefore he is still the man
-It would be awesome to spend more time with the children
-Cleaning in exchange for being able to stay home is a small price to pay
-Men who feel emasculated just because their wife makes more have deep esteem issues

Again, I respect your opinion, as everyone has a right to one. But I must say that I have nothing but love, respect and admiration for my boyfriend...even though I make twice the amount of money he does. We have a fantastic 8 year relationship (so far) and it is fairly egalitarian. It is based on mutual respect, admiration for each others skills, and love of each other as a full, capable person. I don't mind paying for the majority of meals/entertainment/gifts...it just makes sense, and by now I do it without thinking. My boyfriend doesn't need to be my "hero". He needs to be what he wants to be, just as I do.

Anonymous said...

Excellent post Mark.

And this has always felt like the natural order to me. Most men today have been emasculated to the point that this is just the "new normal" in male\female relations? Even most of the MRA\MGTOW types that I come across do not seem to share this view, which is why I'm guessing that you are not getting very many comments on this particular post?

Short of joining a fundamentalist Non-Mainstream church (Think Amish or there a bouts) Ex-patting to a non-western country is the only choice for the Western man that wishes to have a traditional marriage and family life.

Anonymous said...

So, men married to women who earn the bacon aren't admired and respected by their wives?

I don't mean to shock you to your very core, MarkyMark, but men who bring home the bacon are seldom admired and respected by their SAHW, either.

This is the USA, the home of the vile, vicious American women. Few men are respected and admired by any AW.

Anonymous age 71

Sophia said...

Everyone, regardless of class/race/sex/age/abilities is deserving of basic human respect and dignity. Upon a first meeting, I've always treated people as I'd like to be treated. Sometimes I am treated likewise...other times I am treated worse. It is up to all of us, myself included, to prove ourselves worthy of the respect and admiration of our peers.

Mrs. Anna T said...

Speaking on a very broad and general level, I believe you are right. Gender-role reversal doesn't work, nor do philosophies that promote it as ideal.

Just today I happened to read an article bemoaning how pregnant women don't get hired/promoted, or get fired from their jobs. Well, if I had a business I ran to feed my family, yes, I would probably think twice (make it ten times, actually) before hiring a pregnant woman, knowing I'd have to pay maternity leave, and who knows whether she will return or not. If I had an equally capable man vying for the job, why, I'd hire him. Business is not a charity institution.

Here in Israel, it's illegal to fire pregnant workers unless a special permit is obtained. You know what I think this leads to? Abuse of the situation by workers. They say, "I'm pregnant, I can't be fired", and they stop pulling their fair share at work. Then the poor employer has no choice but violate the law and fire them anyway, which gains him lawsuits.

I know this deviates somewhat from the original topic, but I thought you might perhaps cover the subject in a different post (if you haven't already).

MarkyMark said...

Mrs. Anna,

I'd LOVE to cover that topic! I think I've saved stuff about pregnant workers, but with so many bookmarked posts, it's hard to find them. If you have any links you can send me, please do so.

But yeah, as you said, business is NOT a charity! The reason people go in to business is to make money; it's that simple. The workers who should be hired are those who add the most VALUE to it. How is anyone going to add value if they are not there?!

I remember how, when I worked at a restaurant years ago, we had a meeting amongst the employees. I remember someone complaining about one of the cooks, who I remember. The owner said, "At least he shows up! He may not be perfect, but at least he's here to do his job." No matter how good someone is, if they aren't THERE, then they're doing no good.

I cannot understand why women will complain about how, if they get pregnant, they can't advance or anything. Well, advancement is a reward for a job well done; part of doing a job well is BEING there all the time-duh! Yeah, if I owned a business, I'd be more inclined to hire men also.


Anonymous said...

As a man, I couldn't do the house husband thing. It's my responsibility to provide, not my wife's. Regardless if she would lose respect for me or not,(I have to believe she would over time), I would lose respect for myself. Somewhat related; We, ( My wife and I), were having a discussion a while back about the 'sensitive guy'.
Her opinion was that crying does not make one less of a man.I told her that unless a man has an obvious, valid reason to be choked up and cry, his emotion is perceived as weakness by women and women will lose respect for him,(this discussion concerned women). She didn't necessarily agree with me at the time. About a week later, she was having a discussion with a mutual acquaintance and during the discussion, he became choked up while speaking. Later that day she brought it up to me and said "When he became emotional what you said ran through my mind, you're absolutely right, I could 'see' no reason for him to get so emotional about what was being discussed". I told her, "That's why captain in touch with his emotions is still single and will probably remain so until a desperate woman settles for a less that fulfilling marriage. Because when the day is done, despite all the commentary to the contrary, women want a 'protector', they do not want to be the 'protector'.

Anonymous said...

"However, I have down my own research on this topic and have met men in real life who are/were househusbands or who would like nothing more than to *be* househusbands."

That's because they're weak pussies.