Guys,
The quandary most of us MGTOW find ourselves in is how to answer 'The Question'; how do we deal with the inevitable queries as to why we're still single? I'll relate past experiences along with what I learned; I'll tell you what I do now, and why I do it. It's worked for me, and I think it'll work for my readers too.
Number one is to remember that you must be careful around men too; it's not just women who will hold your honesty and candor against you. At my previous job, I was NOT shy about being a happy, single bachelor; I loudly and proudly proclaimed all the joys of single life, such as being able to purchase two motorcycles with my bonus. Not only that, my boss' right hand man, his assistant, was engaged at the time; I tried to dissuade him from walking down the Aisle of Doom to no avail. He and his woman both came from intact families, and to him, marriage was normal; he said to me that everyone gets married. After hearing that, I no longer tried to dissuade him.
Almost all the other guys in the department were married. There were three of us who were single: a nice, young kid who'd just graduated college; another man who's a Christian; and there was me. Anyway, in early 2007, my boss was told to reduce headcount; he was told that he had to get rid of someone. The axe fell on me. Though it turned out to be a blessing in disguise (my present employer is doing better than my former one, and I have better long term prospects), I don't think that my unabashed MGTOW views helped me. I don't think that most of the guys were happily married, and they didn't like me reminding them of that. The moral of the story is that you have to be careful around men too when it comes to expressing MGTOW views.
As for women, it goes without saying that you have to be careful around them. The moment you even INSINUATE that women might not be perfect, you get accused of hating women and all that crap; they'll tell you that you should have known better, picked better, etc. At least one of them will go crying to the boss about how you're a big misogynist; they'll say that you have 'trouble working with women', and all that crap. It doesn't matter whether your boss is male or female, either. If your boss is a man, he'll be eager to be the little ladies' knight in shining armor, so he'll come down on you; he'll make an example of you. If your boss is a woman, then she'll back up her fellow sisters; since you attacked one of them, you attacked all of them, including her. If you espouse MGTOW views at work, you're putting your job on the line.
Even if you keep your job, your future prospects at that employer have been damaged-all because you dared to criticize women, and say that they might not be perfect. And make no mistake about it; if you upset your female colleagues in any way, you just might end up with a pink slip. Employers are scared to death of a lawsuit from one of the dearies, so they'll do almost anything to placate them-even if it means firing you. Anyway, it goes without saying that you absolutely, positively CANNOT share your MGTOW views with women, nor can you share your reasons WHY you hold those views-not if you wish to keep receiving a steady paycheck.
It's easier for men to lose their jobs than it is for women; the converse of this is that it'll be harder for us to REPLACE that lost job too. One, women are members of the protected class, whereas we are not; women have the power in the workplace, and men do not. Women know this, and they will exploit this too-especially if it means getting even with someone who said that they're not a goddess; how DARE that POS man criticize me, a superior being! Two, we men will be discriminated against during a job search. Men interviewing job applicants are mostly manginas, and they're going to want some pretty eye candy to look at on the job; we are not eye candy to them. Women also have the EEOC and other alphabet soup, gov't agencies backing them; big daddy gov't tells employers that they'd BETTER give the little women a chance, so they do-at our expense, of course. Ergo, if you're a man, you do not want to run afoul of the little dearies-if you're unfortunate enough to work with them, that is.
I have told you what not to do, and I have told you why. However, I have not told you what TO DO. Don't worry, I'll answer that all important question right now...
So, what does a MGHOW say when asked about his single status? How does he answer such a question? You're about to step into a nasty mine field, and it must be navigated with care. You know what I say? I simply say that I never met the right one; rather, I met the right one, but I didn't meet her at the right time. I go on to tell about the lovely relationship I had while stationed at Pearl Harbor over 20 years ago; I wax poetic about how it was like the relationship Mr. & Mrs. Bailey had in the movie "It's a Wonderful Life". I know that this is idealizing things a bit, but not by much. I then say that, unfortunately for me, I was in the Navy at the time; I got orders sending me back to the mainland, thus ending the relationship. I close by saying that both the woman and true love that we shared ruined all subsequent women and relationships. Then, I leave it at that.
This does a couple of wonderful things; with either a male or female audience, this does some wonderful things. It easily deflects any subsequent questions about your single status, and does so in a way without making you look bad. I'll explain...
With men, they'll understand about wanting that someone special; though they won't openly ADMIT it, most men wish they'd married better, i.e. that they had a nicer woman for a wife. In other cases, they too lost a love from long ago, and they understand the power a lost love has over a man's heart. If you're dealing with a man who wishes that he married better, he'll quietly respect your decision to hold out for someone special, and he'll applaud you for doing so. If you're dealing with a man who also lost someone special long ago, he too will understand the power a lost love has on a man; if he married someone else, he will also respect and admire your decision to not settle for less. Face it, Fellas; most men wish that they either married someone else, or they wish that they'd remained single themselves. The worst thing you can do is rub their nose in the fact that you're a happy, single, and free MGHOW! No matter how you slice it, handling 'The Question' the way that I did will have your fellow men admiring and respecting you, not hating you for being happily single. Your fellow men won't consider you a pariah or enemy, and in this economic environment, that matters.
When dealing with women, I've found that they'll feel sorry for me when I answer 'The Question' the way that I have. They'll see me as a sweet, romantic, loving guy who's still carrying a torch for someone else; they'll see me as emotionally unavailable, so they'll leave me alone. Secondly, because they see me as sweet, romantic, and all that, they won't have desire for me, since most modern women want bad boys who treat them like crap. Thirdly, I come off as someone who's being true to his heart; they see me as following my heart. Since women are emotional creatures enslaved to their feelings, they understand this PERFECTLY! They'll feel sorry that I no longer have the love of my life; seeing that this is a tender spot with me, women will leave me alone too. By saying I met the right one at the wrong time, I get women off my back too, albeit for different reasons. Even so, I get 'em off my back WRT 'The Question'.
Whatever you do, do NOT tell them the truth! Come to think of it, if you say you haven't met the right one yet, you ARE telling the truth; you just aren't telling them all of it. Think about it; if you're a MGHOW trying to fly under the radar, you are telling them the truth. You have NOT met the right woman; you just leave out the part that, in this toxic, feminazi environment, meeting the right one is all but impossible. Men, particularly married ones, don't wish to be reminded of the fact that they made a huge mistake when they married. Women don't like to hear anything that even has a hint of criticism. If you say anything remotely critical to a woman, they'll go ballistic; they absolutely cannot handle being told that they're anything less than a princess or goddess-they just can't! IOW, what I'm saying to you guys is this: assume that both men and women cannot handle the truth, and govern yourselves accordingly. Give them part of the truth, but don't give them the whole truth. To borrow a line from Col. Nathan Jessup in "A Few Good Men", they (the vast majority of both men and women) can't HANDLE the truth! Ergo, you don't give it to them. Just give them enough to placate them, then drop it.
Jesus instructed his followers to be as wise as serpents, yet as harmless as doves. I think that this is a good example of that principle. Too bad I had to learn it the hard way, but at least I learned it. At work, if you're a MGHOW, then showing your hand is NOT an option! Repeat: as a MGHOW, laying your cards on the table is not an option! If you do so, you'll make enemies of both men and women you work with; this, in turn, could place your job in peril. So, just give them enough truth to satisfy them; tell them you haven't met the right one, and leave it at that. Again, you're telling the truth, because meeting the right one is impossible! You don't have to tell your COLLEAGUES that; they won't appreciate it if you do so anyway...
In closing, if you're asked about your single status, simply say that you haven't met the right one. Better yet, if you had someone nice long ago, but you got separated from her, then play that up. Men will understand why, and they'll leave you alone; as an added bonus, they'll admire and respect your decision to not settle. Women will see you as a sweet, loving, romantic person who's got a broken heart. They'll feel sorry for you, since your heart is broken; because you're carrying that sorrow (or so they think), they'll leave you alone, so as to not exploit that emotional wound. If you play up the broken heart angle, women will show compassion for you-even if you're a man! Who would've thought? A woman showing compassion for a man? Yes, it does happen! Furthermore, because they see you as a nice, romantic, sweet guy, you'll repulse most modern women; nice guys are boring and weak in their eyes, so they'll remove you from their 'boyfriend material' list. With women, you'll play up the 'feeeeelings' angle, which will work like a charm! In either case, as a MGHOW, you can continue to fly under the radar, thus preserving your job and livelihood; that's always an important consideration, but never more so than in these days and times. Thank you, and have a good day...
MarkyMark
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17 comments:
Why don't you just tell them you're a Homo?
That way if there's ever a time when they try to fire you for some reason you can sue the boss and claim sexual harassment saying you were fired because you refused to let him suck your cock :o) Just making that allegation is enough to scare them especially since it can't be proved one way or the other. Think like a female.
Another good post worth pondering, and a decent strategy: shoot two enemies with the same bullet that hits each one in a different "tender spot."
It is good to prepare for this question ahead of time.
Thanks for sharing your personal experience and why. These days, it is getting so that it is best to remain quiet about ALL beliefs just to keep the peace and to avert undue scowls from today's ever-changing face of political correctness. Blogs are the last frontier of free speech.
Everything from ice-cream socials to family reunions can be trouble for the man who is single, happy, and free.
No doubt, what is most bugging is the arrogant assumption of the question: "Why are you still single?" As if to say, "You are supposed to be married. We don't like those who buck the status quo. On top of that, you're *GASP* happy with the way you are! How can you be happy without a woman in the background telling you what to do? Explain yourself so we can fix you!"
Whether or not you are happy is never an issue with these folks. Somehow, that's not important. Just be married--even if the laws are against you, that marriage is on its way to divorce, and you are unhappy. Oh, well. Misery desires company.
As for myself, when asked "the question," I simply give a blank stare, pause to wonder (Hmm, never thought about that before...), and inform the interrogator that I never wanted to and that I enjoy keeping to myself.
Hopefully, the interrogator will get the keeping to myself hint and walk away. Then, I clam up. Say it once, say it well. No need to explain.
Let others think what they want, and direct the conversation to themselves. After all, people would rather talk about their interests than yours. An easy diversion.
If I notice that the interrogator enjoys a certain hobby or interest, then I ask few simple questions to divert the conversation and keep him talking about himself.
There is little need for further input on my part, and I often learn something about a particular subject in the process. When finished, he will often part with goodwill and never return to "the question." After all, model railroads are far more fun to talk about than "why I am not married."
It may not have as much tact as your strategy, but it is truthful, it seems to work, and I walk away with added knowledge.
However, the "never wanted to" part seems to attract needless questions and incredulous stares among gasps of disbelief. So, be ready to deflect the conversation quickly to the grandchildren, pet rocks, and war medallions.
Hmmmm, I must be very lucky - the question rarely comes up for me at work and I think I know why. When I worked at a large, global corporation, it was really heavy on the sexual harassment "training", probably because they were sued often enough and had to pay up. Everything was strictly business and people didn't ask personal questions.
At the company I work at now, which is way smaller, I know of one time they were sued (maybe other times, too) so they are pretty strict with the same "training". Because it's a small company, the harassment reporting process and training is all outsourced. The other thing is, the vast majority of people I work with and management are guys, so the question rarely if ever comes up.
I usually answer the same way - never found the right woman. If they ask if I'm looking now, I reply no, that I've got everything how I want it and am happy. That always ends the conversation.
I think it's in bad taste to ask people why they aren't married, why they don't have children, etc. Still, you've outlined a good escape hatch for your readers, as there will always be those folks who think it's their business to know everyone ELSE'S business!
bj
I didn't get married until age 46, so I was single for a long enough period to raise questions, but I NEVER was asked "The Question" in all those working years. I guess anyone who thought of asking it probably figured I was sufficiently repulsive and obnoxious enough to make the answer self-evident. Even after I did get married, the snark behind my back was probably either (A)"Well, at least now we know he's not gay--or do we?" or (B)"Good grief, who would be desperate enough to marry HIM??"
The answer, however, is simply that no one is under any obligation to answer "The Question". If it is posed to you, the proper response is "Why do you want to know?"
Unmarried men are in much the same position as men who didn't sign up to get slaughtered in WWI nearly 100 years ago.
In both situations, they are the most craven of cowards trying to push the white feather on you, to cover their own depraved lack of scruple. They have nothing to lose by doing so, and everything to gain. The opposite is true for you.
They insist on duty, without feeling the slightest call to duty themselves. That's their mark. Take no notice of them. They are completely outside the wall of decency, but know that you can be manipulated by it.
True courage demands that you set your own rules, and leave these parasites to perish or prosper by their own efforts.
I tell the truth: I have a great life now. Why should I sacrifice that for a woman? If anyone wants to get out of shape over that, godd for them.
Playing the Devil's advocate, I'll offer a contrarian point of view. Worrying about how to handle "The Question" is not something that should concern the MGTOW. Quite the contrary, in fact...worrying about how to handle such questions is what women do all the time. It is not a behavior I wish to emulate.
If someone asks the question, you should feel free to tell them the truth if you like. If that's too much, you can truthfully say "Marriage (or any LTR) is not for me" and leave it at that.
I've had the issue come up in conversation. I definitely agree that one's single status shouldn't be rubbed into the faces of married men and/or women, but neither should it be concealed or distorted. Part of the problem we have in our society today is the fear of stating the facts, even as those facts stare us in the face.
And if you do get fired? Get a job somewhere else...preferably someplace where the truth can be openly spoken without fear of reprisal.
RobK & Anon0509,
Telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is all well & good, but in this PC society, that can get you in trouble. When saying you haven't met the right woman, you are telling the truth-just not the WHOLE truth. You haven't met the right woman; what's left unsaid is that you're unlikely to ever do so. There are times when being too honest can get one into trouble.
You guys forget something: men are SECOND CLASS CITIZENS in today's society! We're not a protected class; we're not going to get the benefit of the doubt, let alone protection, for stating an unpopular opinion. Feminists can get away with saying outrageous stuff (like men should be killed), whereas men cannot. Did you forget that little detail?
Anon0509, you can talk about getting another job somewhere else all you want, but that's out of touch with reality. You want to find a job in THIS economic environment? Are you serious?! I don't know about you, but I don't want to put my job in jeopardy like that; I literally cannot afford to do so. Ergo, I'll be careful with what I say. As a white male, I am subject to PC, and I can never, ever forget that.
MarkyMark
I understand the financial pressures all too well (I'm unemployed, partly because I did speak my own mind). You do what you must to protect yourself and your financial well-being.
That said, you're better off in the long run if you have a piggy bank full of "f*** you" money. This is not something you have right now, but if you can put one together over time that would be great. IMHO, an (M)an (G)oing (T)heir (O)wn (W)ay should be prepared to GO THEIR OWN WAY...literally, not just figuratively. I agree that PC has played havoc in the modern workplace, and men are "second class citizens" in many ways. But believe me when I tell you that the "f*** you" piggy bank can be a lifesaver. Even in a PC world, you'll find plenty of courage to speak your mind when you've got the cash.
Anon0509
Very Wise!
-However you missed something.
Both genders will than offer to "Hook You Up" w/ others,
"What about HER?!
Feel me?
As much fun as it is to reveal among ourselves as to what we would like to say in response to "The Question" and tell the questioner to go elsewhere, answering innocuously in real life may be the best policy since real punishments--whether direct or indirect--exist if an answer contradicts the herd's consensus.
Too many people are petty, touchy, and defensive, and they love pulling others down a peg for the slightest of reasons.
If you are ecstatic with your single life and your married man isn't, then that will only fuel the fires of envy in his heart. He might seek retaliation against you for his poor decisions in life. And if it is a female... hath no fury like the woman who cannot shame a man into marriage.
A flippant response (though much-deserved) only gives him added cause to hammer you down or save up ammunition for the right opportunity, and this is not good if the questioner has true power to do so.
It is rarely wise to antagonize those who have the power to hurt you for the same reason that it is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Being single, happy, and free is the great, but tread wisely so you can stay free.
Anyway, in early 2007, my boss was told to reduce headcount; he was told that he had to get rid of someone. The axe fell on me.
I have always been puzzled as to why single men are viewed as more expendable than married men.
The single (never married) man enjoying his life of bachelorhood is a benefit to the world. He should be exemplified as a model of conservation and efficiency.
How so? Take "Saving the Environment," for example. The average family of four (Adam and Eve + 2) flushes the toilet more times in one year (even more if they have girls) than a single man living alone (assuming our fictional single gentleman does not squirt more than an Italian racehorse).
The single man flushes less water than the family of four, so he actually conserves more water than the family.
Diapers are another example. Again, assuming that our single gentlemen lives alone (never had children) and abstains from weird hobbies, he has no need for diapers.
No need for diapers means he does not have to throw them away, and diapers never thrown away never end up in a landfill. Even if a diaper is biodegradable, it has to go somewhere until its contents return from whence they came.
The family of four and more (gotta count the mother-in-law and her Depends) needs diapers. Females want babies, and babies mean poop. Lots of poop. This translates into lots of diapers filling lots of landfills and increasing lots of waste.
Yet one more example involves transportation. The single man has no need for a gas-guzzling baby-wagon minivan. If he is single with spare cash, he might be inclined to spend his extra money on a sporty BMW that gets better fuel-mileage than the baby-wagon. Thus, he would be driving a more reliable car and saving oil (albeit in a small way).
Obsequious, politically-correct messages from fanatical environmentalists are always encouraging people to "save the environment."
Since a single man consumes fewer resources to survive by himself (assuming he does not keep an Italian racehouse for a pet), then it stands to reason that they would promote singlehood.
You would think this kind of man would be valued more. Valued as the Holy Grail of living.
You would think employers would want to keep single men over married men since they are free from family responsibilities and the associated distractions. This can equate to better focus on the job. Many are no doubt skilled in efficient living, and that habit can influence efficient working.
Ah, but I might be mistaken. There is this thing called money, and a married family man spends more of it on necessities than a single man. Therefore, it is vital that the married man remains soldered to the circuit board.
This might be why a married man is preferred (aside from the laws favoring females, minorities, illegal aliens, and Italian racehorses).
Another reason you may have been chosen first for the rif is that you lack dependents. Do you have any elderly relatives/ nieces or nephews in college? It would not hurt to mention the monetary contributions you may make to these or similar parties so that employers think of the extended impact of laying you off, as they naturally do for married people.
0509,
Good advice,
I would also add cheap housing to the list. This could be a foreclosure in an inexpensive area, or as little as a dirt cheap piece of junk land with a trailer on it for an abode. Should you find yourself unemployed long term, your piggy bank full of "f*** you" money will be stretched a lot further.
I have a better suggestion Mark, one where you don't risk getting fired, but you can still speak MRA truth.
Before I reveal it, let me say why it is important to speak the WHOLE truth... Because there's a ton of men who secretly agree with you, but they're all afraid of speaking up first.
You can not forge alliances, if you never know who other potential-MRAs are. Most of us discover real-world MRAs when we speak up, and find out many men admit they've been thinking the same thing.
So here's my solution - say that you have seen and know of too many cases of men getting destroyed by the court system and some even committing suicide. The divorce rate is 50%.
If you want to soften it for the women, you can say "You know, and this can happen even if you find the perfect person", "Sometimes marriages don't work out, even if the person you're with is amazing", and "the courts work on their own, it's not the women's fault"... As long as you blame "the courts" and not the women initiating the divorce, you'll be fine.
I hate Politically Correctness. This is orwellian 1984 New Language hipocrisy.
You are talking about sexism! This is so obvious... why sexism became synonymous of machismo? Why isn't feminism synonymous of sexism too?
MarkyMark, I am a complex and contradictory person as all human beings are. Sometimes I can seem to be contradictory, I know that, mainly because I'm a woman and because you are used to American women more than with foreigner women, but I'm very honest and I also speak my own mind.
You can tell me the whole truth to me, the only condition I place is simple: constructive criticism.
And I agree with you all guys: it's very very unpleasant to listen this question: why haven't you met a boyfriend/girlfriend? I used to listen to it many times years ago. What could I answer them?
Keep up the good work guys, I guess we are speaking the same language here.
Brazilian Woman.
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