10 March 2012

Not Attracted to My Husband

Guys,

Props go to Laura Grace Robins, who gave me the link to this site.  The site, The Secret Society of Women, is just chock full of women and their bullshit.  I could keep this blog going for ETERNITY if I only posted material from that site; I kid you not!  Reading posts like this make me glad I'm single.  Fellas, when you get that longing for a 'special someone', this is what you're missing; this is what you don't have.  Remember that!

Anyway, the post that follows is authored by a woman who calls herself 'Magica'.  She's a woman who loves her husband, but is not longer 'in love' with him.  Yes, she's cheated.  Yes, she has contempt for her husband.  You know the drill.  Guys, if you're dumb enough to marry, THIS is what you're getting into...

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I met my husband at the age of 12. It doesn’t mean we’ve been together since but we always liked each other, and finally got together in our mid 20’s, dated long distance (and I mean long distance, he was in another country) for 3 years until I graduated college and moved with him to that country.

My life changed completely, and it was the hardest thing in my life to overcome, a new country/language/culture, a new set of very conflicted in-laws and becoming a wife. Now that I think about it, it makes sense he fell for me, because he could have someone to love while he was away doing his thing (he traveled 10 months of the year for work) and also he could keep his distance, same distance he keeps now and has always kept.

He’s very nice, sweet, he cares about me and our child, but he’s always kept himself out of reach, even with me. It all has to do with his upbringing, but I won’t get into that now. The only thing he’s truly passionate about is what he does for work, which he loves. And that’s great, but the fact that I and my kid always come second, and the distance, the cold distance he keeps from everyone, not on purpose, he doesn’t even notice it, but it hurts.

So even when we were dating, I knew I had to fill the gap. I thought then it was because we were so far away, but in the back of my mind there was always an alarm sign I didn’t want to look at.

Enter Ex Boyfriend Number 1 in the picture, with whom I always had the most intense, intoxicating, strong, blow your mind, sexual chemistry. It was something you could almost touch when we were together under the same roof. We run into each other at a birthday party and began having an affair. He had a girlfriend also back then, so we were both cheating. Those nights were probably some of the bests of my life; because our connection wasn’t only sexual, we could almost read each others mind all the time.

It ended when we both had to move away, after we graduated. We had one last night, we thought we were both gone overseas and when we saw each other, pass the initial shock we couldn’t stop hugging, we almost didn`t talk. It was intense and beautiful. We never saw each other again.

But the magic of the web, we kept in touch via email. We would write almost every day, and it kind of faded away with time. Then I found out he had cancer and almost died, and I felt my world tumble around me, I emailed him immediately and got a response in a second, he was ok, but I told him how scared I was with the thought of him not being well.

Then enter Married Man number one. I had another affair, with a man I met online, and who traveled half way around the globe (his excuse was a business meeting) to be with me for a week. He stayed in a hotel near my house, and after the week was done he left, after we had an emotionally devastating fight, because he realized I would never leave my husband for him. And he was right, and I was right. Even though he had it all planned out, and he had the kind of personality that thinks everything is possible just by the power of your own will… so when he set out to get me, he was convinced he was going to get me no matter what. It was a really dark, sad period of my life. He ended up confessing to his wife, and she found me out through his phone records, and emails (he had promised he’d be careful, he’d use phone cards, never would call from home, only email from his work computer but I guess in the end, he put me at the most risk when he confessed, told her my name, and let her call me in such rage, rightfully so… but I always wonder if he confessed to her about the other affairs he had, before me, which I don’t think he did)

So yes, rock bottom, the worst kind of woman I could have possibly become. That I was.

I never came clear to husband, and will never tell him. It’s history now. We stopped all communications right away, and the last I heard from him was long time ago, I know he’s still married and had a couple children afterwards. I don’t think you should tell your spouse about an affair, I wouldn’t want to know, especially if it has ended. That kind of pain is not worthy of you getting rid of your guilt (like in his case) or the total honesty thing….

And here I am now. I haven`t cheated physically, but still, the distance I have from my spouse, makes me feel unattached to him, I’m not attracted to him at all, our sex life is very poor, once a month and I do it mostly because I feel obligated. I’ve spent most our married years alone while he was away for work, and now he’s here all the time, the distance is even more real. He does not make me feel attractive, he thinks joking around and trying to humor me will make me want to be intimate with him when all it really does is make me want to slap him and kick him out of the bed. I want to feel desired, attractive. He doesn’t look at me that way, he’d say “oh that looks nice on you” But will never look at me “that way”.  And I too feel the need to have a better sex life; I don’t want the better years of our lives to go by like this.

But it happens that I find that spark in other men’s eyes, when they look at me. I know they still find me beautiful, and would be with me in a heartbeat. So I develop all this crushes, some of them borderline flirtatious, and I feel guilty, but then I think hey if I’m not appreciated at home, then I deserve to have someone flirt with me, compliment me, look at me a certain way.

I don’t want to cheat again, I would not cheat now that I’m a mother, but it’s also so unfair to me, because I do love my husband, I’m just not “in love” with him anymore and I haven`t been for a long long time… I’m just his roommate, whose breasts he gets to “playfully” grab while I`m washing dishes….

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What can I POSSIBLY add to that?  I could rip parts of this woman's rantings and ravings, but why bother?  What she says speaks for itself.  Oh, and if you get a chance, read the replies to this opening post; they're enlightening too.  Again, THIS is what you're signing up for if you get married, Fellas!  Until next time...

MarkyMark

12 comments:

Andrew said...

I deal with plenty of dysfunctional relationships on my site ... but also plenty of rewarding ones too. Are you quite convinced that getting married guarantees you will end up with one of the challenged ones?

MarkyMark said...

Are you quite convinced that getting married guarantees you will end up with one of the challenged ones?

Yes, considering the VAST MAJORITY of stories are similar to this. I can count on one hand the number of married relationships that are good-and have FINGERS LEFT! Sorry Charlie, but the odds are that you'll end up like the chump in my post.

Anonymous said...

Another stupid b*tch who confuses SMP with MMP when men look at her with what she imagines to be lust. Why not lust after a woman when you don't have to put up with her Bravo Sierra nor pay her bills?

Anonymous age 69

by the way, I have been using these decode goofy letters for years, recently yours are virtually unreadable, makes it hard to post here.

MarkyMark said...

Anon69,

I can't control the decode letters; they're automatically thrown up by Google. I've had trouble with them on other sites myself, so you're not alone...

MarkyMark

Burton said...

He’s very nice, sweet, he cares about me and our child,

"Nice"

"Sweet"

"He cares about me and our child"

The first two words are the proverbial kiss of death from any female. The third phrase? To put it in Roissy terms, her hubbie is a "Beta" male, slaving away at a job to support a family. But "Beta" males do not make her vagina tingle. So she cheats with a BadBoy(tm). And ends up with the best of both worlds to a female. The "Beta" male provider, and the BadBoy(tm) who gets her underwear wet.

Life in the wasteland.

fschmidt said...

In this particular case, the husband sounds like he doesn't know how to handle his wife. Not that this excuses the wife. In this case, both are to blame.

Feminism doesn't just ruin women, it ruins men too. Neither sex deals with the other in a sane manner. I don't think you will read many stories like this from members of patriarchal religions like Islam, Orthodox Judaism, Anabaptist Christianity or Orthodox Christianity. When each sex understands their role, then marriage does work.

P Ray said...

Why is it that the women who talk about not being attracted to their husbands, always has a husband who is "busy with work"?
It's so convenient.

And here is another red flag for anyone to see:
The person you date when 12, if she's out of your life for a significant period of time and you don't meet until much later:
JUST FORGET IT.

She has ridden the cock carousel in your absence, as she didn't feel it necessary to keep in touch with you.

A woman honestly attracted, wants to know where you are and will make an effort.

Therefore, any woman who chooses not to keep in touch with you, is sending you a signal. HEED IT, and DON'T get married to that woman!

Masculist Man said...

What is SMP and MMP?

P Ray said...

SMP = Sexual Market Place
MMP = Marriage Market Place

SMV = Sexual Market Value
MMV = Marriage Market Value

David Collard said...

This woman is incredibly naive and immature. And she has done her husband a great injustice.

Many men would have no trouble impressing a stupid married woman for a few hours in a conducive environment like a nice hotel. He provides a brief fantasy, he gets pussy, and she thinks she is loved.

A lot of men would love a quick screw with a married bitch. All the fun and none of the work, and he gets to laugh at the husband and the wife behind their backs.

He enjoys a quick bit of tail, a conquest, that was all, and the stupid woman thinks the guy loves her.

Insane. And now she is left with a defiled marriage bed, a husband diminished in her eyes, and nothing to live on but a memory. I don't know how these women can face their husbands after such a betrayal.

The only winner is the guy who gets to use her for a few hours.

Anonymous said...

wow, guys are twisted. I know this woman has some issues and I agree she shouldn't have married this man in the first place, something she basically admits. Better off for everyone if you break it off before cheating happens. FYI these issues can happen in any relationship not just marriages. It's a little scary to see the huge perspective difference between how men perceive sex vs woman. You know that different perspective exists but men are so crude and cold it seems, congrats penis users on being disgusting. why don't you all just hook up with each other, that way you won't end up with any problems. I am sure this won't make it through the sensors.

Anonymous said...

In response to P Ray saying the "woman who are not attracted to their husbands complain about them being busy with work.." In my case it is my "husband" who hasn't worked in 2 years other than 2 jobs that lasted less than 2 months. I support the family working crazy hours and missing my kids. I am no longer attracted to him. I think its an emotional distance thing and not a physical thing, because I used to be attracted to his body and his body is no different now. try being close to your partner emotionally, is this lost on the Male sex? Are all the emotions a man shows in relation to him trying to get tail, as someone says above, or do you guys really have emotions in those dense heads of yours.