10 March 2012

Insults for Women, by Roy Scott Morvich

Guys,

I was over @ Roy's Online Thoughts when I came across THIS beauty of a post. I'm sharing it with my boys, because this deserves a wider audience. In his fine post, Roy gives us insults we can use on women. This is good stuff! Enjoy...

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L'art d'insulter les femmes

I'm opening 2010 by declaring war on shaming language.  Feminists have gotten away with shaming language for too long. Far too long.
Its time we got our own back.
And since women in general have not stood up to defend men, it stands that all women are tarred with the same brush. Therefore ALL women are to be denigrated equally.
Fair's fair.

Here are a choice sampling of insults to deride women with.
Try them and see. I did. And watch their ordure (translation: s**t) hit the roof!

Modern one-liners
- Your's is even smaller than mine.
- It'll be way bigger than anything you'll ever have.
- Mine isn't too small, your cooch is too wide/large/loose.
- The one you try to have is even smaller than mine.
- Oooh! Bad mood! Did you run out of batteries?
- You sound really old.
- You don't look your age. [Pause] You look [longer pause] old.
- You look good enough to be my great-great grandmother.
- You were/are a lousy lover.
- You must be having constant periods.
- It must be cotton pony rodeo time huh?
- Did one of your cats just die?
- You must not be married yet.
- Can't have kids huh?
- There's nothing a woman can do for me that my right hand can't do better.
- Even dung beetles are higher than women and feminists.
- You obviously have one of those super large and deep ginas a man has to strap a plank to his back to prevent him falling into.
Anything that implies her plumbing isn't clean, has diseases or a foul smell.

Literary Gems
Shakespeare
- "Her beauty and her brain go not together" (Cymbeline)
- "The tartness of her face sours ripe grapes" (Coriolanus)
- "... she's the kitchen wench and all grease; and I know not what use to put her to but to make a lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn a Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday, she'll burn a week longer than the whole world." (The Comedy of Errors)
- "Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing half so clean kept: for why, she sweats; a man may go over shoes in the grime of it." (The Comedy of Errors)
- "No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip: she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out countries in her." (The Comedy of Errors)
- "... thou hast pared thy wit o' both sides, and left nothing i' the middle" (King Lear)
- "You should be women and yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so." (Macbeth)
- "You have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm and cloudiness." (Much Ado About Nothing)
- "Would thou were clean enough to spit upon!" (Timon of Athens)

Others
- "She may very well pass for forty-three / In the dusk, with a light behind her!" (Trial by Jury, Gilbert & Sullivan)
- "Perhaps you have gravely misunderstood." (Miss Manners a.k.a Judith Martin)

But at the end of the day, given that women are devoid of logic and wit, using such choice insults is wanton waste.
Better to ignore them completely.
And since modern women, with their over-inflated sense of entitlement cannot abide being ignored, this is just as dramatic and effective as any insult.

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Was that good, or was that good? I thought it was good-no, make that great! Roy, thanks for writing this, so I could share it with my readers. Hopefully, this masterpiece will be spread far & wide, so we can put skanks in their place-yeah, Baby! Until next time...


MarkyMark

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thought of an insult myself.
Call her a "noisy, walking incubator." That should piss them off.

A Happy Bicycle said...

"There's nothing a woman can do for me that my right hand can't do better."

Ain't THAT a fact! And at least your right hand WON'T give you diseases, "accidentally" get pregnant, or falsely charge you with rape!

MarkyMark said...

Ain't THAT a fact! And at least your right hand WON'T give you diseases, "accidentally" get pregnant, or falsely charge you with rape!

You got that right!

C.S. said...

You and Roy have me convinced that MRA actually stands for Mentally Retarded Assholes. Only such people would think that "Your's is even smaller than mine" is a witty insult. None of those insults is even remotely clever. Try them on a woman and you will be laughed in your face. Of course, I'm sure you're used to women laughing at you.

Horsemachine said...

I'm intrigued by Roy's signing-off claim that "women are devoid of logic and wit".

Given that he hasn't shown even the faintest glimmer of genuine wit in his entire litany of feeble schoolyard insults, how on earth would he be a reliable judge?

Roy Scott Movrich said...

MM, you honour me by running this for the second time! (I'm not complaining though!)
Incidentally, I did a sequel if you are interested - http://roymovrich.blogspot.com/2011/02/lart-dinsulter-des-femmes-take-two.html

Anonymous said...

I just looked up insults for men and they were so much smarter. Why, you ask? Because women came up with them.
I'm a girl and just laughed at these stupid insults just like I would if a guy actually said any of these to me, lol!
"Did your cat die?" wtf!! Ooooh I'm so terribly offended!! LMFAO!!! XD

Compare this:
1. Did your cat die?

With these:
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

and...

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

The whole point of an insult is to be quick and witty, which these, obviously, are not...