Some time ago, I got this e-mail from a female reader.
In it, she related an experience she had at work recently.
She's in her late 20s, happily married, loves pleasing her man, and
she's aiming to break free of the rat race in the near future.
She's a Christian woman who's trying to survive in an increasingly
wicked and hostile world. Here's Ruth's (not her real name; I
never use real names) e-mail, along with my reply to
I just got home from
work and cruise night. All I can say is welcome to a man's world! I
don't say that to be flippant; I say that because that is my
reality-having to be careful what I say & do around women.
I was going to post on it, but in case
someone from work ever stumbles upon my blog, the details give me
away and I wanted to share it with someone in the blogosphere....so
anyway....I was asked to stay late at work today and not having my
guard upm I made the fatal mistake of saying, "I can't stay more
than 30 mins. I have a husband at home to feed/take care of".
Flew right out of me and sounds innocent enough.....HA! I said the
magic words and flipped the feminist switch in my co-worker. She
immediately said, "giirrrrllll don't talk like that, you don't
have to feed anyone. He needs to realize that he can do these things
for himself. He shouldn't be dependent on you. You'll learn that when
you have kids that someday you just have to have cereal for dinner. I
used to do that a lot....feed my family cereal for dinner and he
never complained (proudly boasting). It then got very awkward. I said
something like, "of course he can do these things for himself,
but I WANT to do them". She didn't like that either, the fact
that I still have this pesky nurturing/loving thing going on. I'm not
supposed to want to take care of him. That is a big feminist NO-NO.
The fact that women WANT to do these things, to think of someone
other than themselves, baffles them.
Your story reminded me of a post I read on Eternal
Bachelor long ago. He talked about this woman he worked with; her
name was Claire. Like you, she was in her mid-late 20s and happily
married. Like you, she wanted to and did take care of her man. The
other women in the office chided her for this-UNTIL she got a huge
bouquet of flowers delivered to her desk! Then, the women were all
envious, wondering why THEIR men did not send them big bouquets of
flowers. Well, duh! If you took care of your man like Claire took
care of hers, then maybe they would!
Perhaps next time it
would be best to simply say that you have stuff to do, and leave it
at that. If these witches press you, then simply say that it's
personal business. That should get 'em to back off. If they still
press you, then bluntly tell them it's none of their business.
and I wonder how this feminist harpy colleague of yours would like it
if her man decided that he didn't have to take out the garbage, kill
bugs, check for things going bump in the night, etc.; ask her how SHE
would like it if her husband took the same attitude. I have a
sneakin' suspicion that she wouldn't like that very much. Women like
this are all fine & dandy about shirking their duties, but woe to
their man if he does the same thing! The hypocrisy is astounding...
All I could think of was had I not known
better and had I been younger and more impressionable, I probably
would have started to consider what she is saying. After all she is
in her 50s, with grown kids, what do I know? BUT thank God, I can see
through all that. I just think this is how it starts. How many other
women are in situations like these and, not knowing any better,
listen more to the co-worker than to the needs of her own husband? It
was just so shocking, because I liked this woman.....she seemed
reasonable....but gosh not now after I saw her true side, what she is
really about. That's scary stuff. I have to be so careful what I say
around women. They are like piranhas waiting to bite. By simply
saying I need to make my husband dinner, or do anything for him, they
immediately think that he is abusing/oppressing me. I have this
bruise on my arm right now from being a klutz,,,and I actually worry
about if some feminist crazed woman at work will notice it and say
"how'd you get this"? When I worked the ramp, a woman there
was bruised from working with the bags. She went to her doctor and
the doctor suspected DV, became this huge old mess for her. It's just
unreal. I can't trust or form any kind of relationship with women.
How can you when you have to guard everything you say and when you
can't make a very normal remark? Once again I am left with my head
spinning with how deep the feminist problem goes.
Perhaps that's how the feminist BS starts, but what gets
me is why young women never ask themselves if THEY want a marriage
(or lack thereof) like their older, female colleagues have. Part of
this tendency to go along is part of women's herd instinct; a woman
would rather DIE than go against the consensus of her friends. If a
gal, partiularly a young one, thinks that the herd has the opinion
that your older, feminazi colleague has, then she'll adopt it. If a
gal likes a guy, while her friends don't, then many women will dump
the guy because he doesn't get the approval of her girlfriends.
story about the bruise reminds me of a story Hestia told me. I can't
remember all the particulars, but her situation was similar to yours.
She had an injury of some sort, and she didn't want birth control
pills. Well, she was given the third degree about DV-even though her
husband was on a tour of duty in Iraq! He was only on the other side
of the world, and thus quite unable to inflict any DV; even if he'd
wanted to (he doesn't), he couldn't have hurt her in any way, because
he was thousands of miles away. The hospital personnel then said that
she didn't need to be afraid; that she could tell the truth; and so
on. They didn't want to hear the fact that her husband was thousands
of miles away; they had their minds made up that it was DV; and that
Hopefully, your colleagues won't notice the bruise.
If they do, then be careful. Even if you tell the truth, your
feminist minded colleagues will be inclined to think the worst
anyway. That'd be especially true of Mrs. Harpy, the one who
admonished you for wanting to treat your man right. Who knows what
she'll do? Be careful-very careful! I say this as a man experienced
in dealing with female colleagues.
I know what you say about
the trust issue, because I ran into it too. Remember my telling the
story about the woman I thought was a good friend, the one I asked
out to lunch? Her reaction floored me, because I'd NEVER made a play
for her, nor did I ever hint of doing so! I considered her a good
friend, nothing more; she was the sister I never had. I still shake
my head and feel hurt 11 years later.
I remember when I was
new on that assignment, and I met this young college grad, Katie. I'd
seen her in passing, so I talked to her. I could SEE the mistrust in
her eyes, all because I was a man! I remember her saying that she had
60 pair of shoes-60 pair! I don't think I've owned that many in my
entire lifetime. Anyway, she got all defensive because I tried to be
nice, introduce myself, and talk to her.
I could tell stories
like this for hours, Ruth. After a few experiences like yours, one
gets paranoid-execpt in this case, they really ARE out to get you!
You'll find yourself being more deliberate in your conversations
around women after this; I know I am. Now do you understand why I was
cautious about Maria?
I'm going to close this out. I and any
guy could easily relate to the story you just told. Why? Because
we've LIVED it ourselves! At least you're a woman; you won't
automatically be assumed guilty like I would. I know some women, like
Hestia, could tell stories too. Tell her your friend's story (the one
who got bruised on the ramp), and see if she doesn't spill the beans
on the hospital visit I mentioned above.
I hope that this
helps you. The big thing (and I hate to say it) is to be VERY CAREFUL
what you say around women, and men too. There are manginas out there,
and they're just as bad as any woman, if not worse. You'll have to be
careful around everyone, not just women. I wish I had something more
profound to say, but I don't. Have a good night, and I hope things
work out well...