Folks, I just left a comment in response to a video addressed to Christian women finding a husband. Below is my comment in response. It was too good to just keep as a YouTube comment, so I'm sharing it here as well.
As a former Bible college student, churchgoer, and present Christian, I have some thoughts about this. I left the church not because there was sin in my church and Bible college, though there was; sin will be everywhere, even in the church, as the church is comprised of sinners. No, what bothered me was the lack of response in handling the sin that happened there. Hence, I left. Also, before COVID happened, I was going to return to the church; I really was! Unfortunately, no church in my area resisted the governor's and mayors' orders to close; that is to say that there are no good, strong Godly churches in my area that followed God's Word that admonishes us to not forsake the assembling of ourselves. Hence, I never returned, nor do I plan to do so. Anyway, here are my thoughts about the question of dating, relationships, and marriage among Christians. One, the church is feminine, and it bashes men. Two, Christian women aren't that different from their worldly counterparts. Three, the divorce rate among Christians is higher than it is among secular people.
The church is feminine, and it caters to women. Churches and pastors know that, if they don't please the wives, they don't have butts in the seats; because those butts aren't in the seats, the collection plate is lighter too. How does the church cater to women? Here's one example: on Father's Day, men are chastised and admonished to be the men, husbands, and fathers they should be; they're upbraided from the pulpit. Does anything similar happen on Mother's Day? NO WAY, JOSE! Again, pastors know where their bread is buttered, so they govern themselves accordingly.
You know, I, as a Christian man don't need to attend any church to hear that I'm scum of the Earth; I don't need to attend church to be bashed and trashed. I can find that everywhere else in society, TYVM! All one has to do is tune in TV or radio for a few minutes to see this constant man bashing 24/7/365. You think I want to hear the same in church? GTFOOH! You want Godly, Christian men back in church? Then make it a place that's not only hospitable to them; make it a place they want to be! Ah, but that won't happen, as the majority of pastors, deacons, and elders want to please the women. Again, they know where their bread is buttered.
We see this attitude all through Christianity. For example, there was a Christian film some years ago, called "Fireproof". It was about a Christian couple having marital problems. Do you know what? The husband was portrayed as the bad guy-what a surprise! The couple's problems were all Hubby's fault. This completely glossed over the reality that, when a relationship has problems, that both parties are at fault; it may not be an exact, 50/50 split, but it's a split nonetheless. When there are relationship problems, both the man and woman are culpable. That's just the way it is.
Point #2 is that Christian women aren't that different from their worldly counterparts. They've adopted the same, feminist values. They pursue degrees and careers just as secular women do. They have the same attitudes, dress, and demeanor. Oh, and if you, as a Christian man, even HINT at submission (the role of a Godly wife), LOOK OUT! They'll bristle at the notion just like any secular, feminist woman would. Christian women do precious little to differentiate themselves from their secular counterparts. Well, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, any thinking man will assume that he's dealing with a duck-DUH!
Finally, the divorce rate among Christians is HIGHER than it is among secular people; that's a SHAMEFUL TRAVESTY! Even so, that was Barna's findings when studying the question of divorce in the church. A more recent study by a university confirmed Barna's findings; I believe it was Baylor that did the study, but I can't recall for sure. In any case, divorce among Christians occurs more often than it does for non-Christians. That's just the way it is. Furthermore, even if someone wants to dispute those findings, one cannot dispute this: divorce happens all too often in the church, when it ought to be a rarity. After all, aren't Christians called to be the light of the world? Aren't we called to be better than the world? How can we do either of the above when we don't LIVE any better than the world?
Now, as a man, divorce concerns me. Why? One, because my life will be WRECKED by it, for one! I'll lose the house, the kids, everything. Wifey will keep the house, while I keep the mortgage payment for the house I'm no longer allowed to live in. I'll be saddled with child support and possibly alimony too. After all that, I might end up HOMELESS! Two, women file for divorce 80% the time; if they're college educated, then they file for divorce 90% of the time. The family courts, where divorces are adjudicated, are overwhelmingly biased against men. Anyway, as the old country song goes, Mama got the gold mine, while Daddy got the shaft. Sorry, but marriage offers few, if any, benefits for a man.
Before I continue, there's a Christian man who's MGTOW; that's men going their own way for the uninitiated. He's a YouTuber who talks about Christianity, marriage, MGTOW, and how they relate to the Bible. His channel is is called "Whirlwind MGTOW", and I'd encourage you to watch some of his videos. BTW, Whirlwind MGTOW married a Christian woman from his church, and she divorced him after 10 years of marriage. Though he doesn't make videos very often anymore, he has a lot of older ones that are still up; for those pondering where the good, Christian men are, I'd admonish you all to watch his videos, and for you to listen to what he says. Those are the elephants in the room that NO ONE in the church wants to talk about! However, if you want Christian men back in the church, let alone willing to marry, you'd better listen to him; many of us have the same concerns, concerns that are all too often ignored.
Now, that leads me to ask some questions. WHY would I, as a man, want to marry? What does it offer me? Oh, I have a righteous outlet for my sexual desire? Oh, please! All too often, wives deny their husbands intimacy, especially after the kids come. Why on Earth would I, as a man, want to be celibate within marriage? Why would I want to have all the responsibilities and obligations of a husbands, while enjoying none of the benefits? Why would I want to risk being homeless, because my now ex wife eviscerated me in the divorce? I could go on, but you get my point.
In closing, many Christian men have concerns, concerns that the church has ignored. One, there are no good, solid, Godly churches in my area; all of them obsequiously followed gov't mandates to close during COVID. How do I know? Because none made the news, that's why! Two, the church is feminine, and it bashes men. When I get that in the world, WHY would I want to get more of it in church too? Three, most Christian women are little different than their secular counterparts; whether it's in terms of dress, demeanor, conduct, lifestyle, or conversation, it's almost impossible for a Christian man to discern which women are Christians vs. those who are not. Finally, divorce occurs more often in the church than it does the world. That being the case, WHY would I want to have an even greater chance of having my life destroyed by divorce? Why would I marry someone from within the church? If the risk were negligible, that would be one thing; unfortunately, according to Barna, divorce happens more often within the church than without. Hence, I'm single, and I plan on remaining that way. Those are my thoughts.
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