We had an estate auction late last month, after which we listed my late mother's house. Now that this is done, my life will start returning to normal; that means you can expect some posting from me now. While wrapping up my mother's affairs during the past weeks, I caught up with some people from my old neighborhood. One of these is a woman I knew when we were both teenagers. As the old Beach Boys' song goes, she's NOT the little girl I once knew...
A few weeks ago, a woman stopped while walking her dog and chatted up my brother and me. We were taking a break from cleaning out Ma's house, and we were hanging out in the front yard. Rose, the old woman in question, had just recently gotten to know my mother before her death. She expressed her condolences, of course. Then, she said that she was scared because she's only a few years younger than my mother was. As the conversation progressed, she pointed to a nearby house and told us that she lived there. In response, I said that that was Toni X's (not her real name, obviously) old house. The woman then said that Toni X was her daughter, and that her daughter was still living there. I was like wow! Are you kidding me? Toni is still here?!
Back in the day, Toni was a cute gal. She wasn't hot, but she was definitely cute; I would have ratee her as a solid 6.5. She was about 5'5" (165cm) tall, weighed about 100-110# (45-50kg), had dark, curly, shoulder length hair, and a nice smile. We'd say 'hi' to one another in passing, usually while I was walking my dog. Toni would be a bit flirty with me back then; I remembered how, she'd playfully tap me on the shoulder or my arm as she said hello to me with that cute smile of hers. That said, I was too shy to do anything about it in response. As the years went by, I would occasionally think of Toni; I wondered what had become of her; and, of course, I wondered 'what if'? What would have happened if I'd responded in a more positive way? Would we have had a relationship of any sort? If so, what would it have been like?
Returning to the present, as I was talking to Toni's mother out in front of my mother's old house, I asked about how Toni was, that sort of thing. Toni's mother then said that I could stop by and see Toni if I liked, and I took her up on the invitation. I said that I'd stop by before I left the next morning, which was a Sunday.
Sunday morning came, and I was curious about how things with Toni would go. What did she look like now? What had she done with her life? What was she, as a person, like now? I walked a hundred yards or so up the street to Toni's house, and I knocked on the door. Her step father answered the door (Toni's real dad had died years before), and he called out to her before asking me in. As soon as I got inside, Toni came up to the living room area.
She was no longer the cute, petite, perky girl I remembered from my youth. In fact, she bore little or no resemblance to the girl I remembered; though she was still thin (near her teenage weight), she was different in every other respect. Though I knew, intellectually speaking, that she would no longer be the young girl I remembered, I couldn't help but think of her in that way; after all, that's how I'd known her. I knew in my head that she was 48 or so, but my eyes weren't prepared for the sight that greeted them. While her hair was still dark, it was no longer shiny and curly; it was a flat, faded brunette color, and it was straight. Her face had lost its youthful glow long ago. In fact, if I hadn't known it was Toni X from the old neighborhood, I would not have recognized her had I passed her on the street! I hate to say it, but Toni had become ugly since I'd known her when I was a teenager.
Her personality had also changed during the years. Back when I knew Toni, she was friendly, open, outgoing, and a bit flirty; she had that youthful innocence that makes young girls and young women appealing. Unfortunately, she no longer had that. Her voice had changed too; it was more gravelly or something. Both her countenance and her skin were hard; it was evident that her life hadn't been easy, and boy, did it show. For me, that was the biggest and saddest change.
When I knew Toni, she was friendly, cheerful, and outgoing. She had a sweet voice and smile. She was cute and perky. Now, she's more or less the opposite of all those things. Her voice is coarse and gravelly now. Her smile, while still there, is flat; it's no longer bright and cheerful. She's DEFINITELY not cute anymore; man, she got UGLY! Chris in Oregon always said that when women get older, they get ugly-how true it is.
What's even more bizarre is that Toni seems to think she still 'has it'! I got the house number and called her a few times when I thought about her in passing over the past two months. She never called me back. She never gave me her cell phone number-not that I wanted it. I was like, really?! Toni cannot and does not get much in the way of male attention these days, yet she blew me off like she was a 10 or something. Toni, my dear, you never were a 10, even back in the day. Nowadays, you DEFINITELY are not; you're anything but!
Even if she were still hot, it would be hard to have a relationship with her, because she's so far away from where I live now. Also, because my mom is dead, I don't have a reason to visit the old neighborhood anymore. Because my mom lived down towards the shore, getting to her place in the summer time is a royal PITA; if I didn't have a reason to go down there, I wouldn't go. I like the ocean and all, but not enough to sit in traffic for freaking hours! I just thought it would be nice to have a female acquaintance to talk to, nothing more.
In that vein, I remember Chris in Oregon telling me (was it in a comment or e-mail? I can't remember) how he'd thought about three cute girls from his youth. He then went on to say that it hit him that they weren't cute teeny boppers anymore; they too were 48, which meant they would be ugly. CIO was right! I know that Toni, a cutie from my youth, is no longer the little girl I once knew...