26 April 2012

No Regrets


I got a call at work from my mother's doctor this morning. It seems that my mom missed a physical therapy appointment earlier this week, which was something she NEVER did; she never missed an appointment. When she didn't show up for therapy, the therapist contacted my mom's primary doctor; my mom's doctor, in turn, tried reaching my mom via her home and cell phone for the last two days with no response. The doctor's office contacted the local police, and I went down to my mom's house. When we entered, we found my mom dead in her living/TV room.

Though I know that death must come for all of us, I didn't expect it to come to my mom-at least not yet. My maternal grandmother and maternal great-grandmother (my mom's mother & grandmother respectively) both lived in to their late 80s to early 90s. Given the family history, my mom should have lived that long too, so I was expecting this day to come 12-15 years hence, not now.

Normally, at this time of night (11:00 PM), I'd be fighting to keep my eyes open; I'd be ready for bed. Right now, I don't feel sleepy; I don't know how well I'll sleep tonight, or even IF I shall be so lucky to sleep. I just didn't expect this-at least not now anyway.

What I dread more than the funeral is having to sell my mom's house, her posessions, and close out her affairs. That's the part I dread the most, because it's a HUGE PITA-ugghh! THAT is the part I dread the most. I know that there are firms that do estate sales; I just hope my brother and I can find a good one, because that'll make our lives easier.

My relationship with my mom had been good for a long time, so I have no regrets there. I'd just visited her this past weekend. I'd been visiting regularly ever since I moved out in late 2004. I don't have any regrets about not spending time with her, nor do I have regrets about the relationship being less than it could have been; on both fronts, things were good.

I'm out of here. I didn't expect my mom to die-not now, anyway. I thought she'd be around another 12-15 years yet, given the family history. My relationship with my mom had been good for years, so I have no regrets there. I just want to get through the hassle of closing her affairs. Thanks for listening, Fellas.



sestamibi said...

My mother will be 92 next month, so I know I have to see her as much as I can, and not be complacent in her excellent health to date.

All my prayers to you and your family in handling your loss

Guardial said...

There no good ways to go, but there are much worse ones.

Good that you visited, and have no regrets.

My prayers for you and yours as well.

No regrets.

P Ray said...

My condolences on your loss, MarkyMark.

Retrenched said...

Sorry to hear this. I know what it's like to lose someone close to you when you least expect it. You have my condolences.

Anonymous said...

I feel the same. The loss is bad, and speaking from 18 years ago, I can tell you having had a good relationship will help you in the long term. That was not there in my mother's case, and could not possibly be. I envy you that part.

I did have that with my father in 1992. I had that last talk(s), asking all the questions no one ever seems to ask. It was a good way to lose him, since it was his time to go.

Anonymous age 70

Eman said...


I want to send you my dearest condolences. I'm saddened by your loss; however, I'm glad that you and mom had a strong bond together.

Stay strong, man...it'll be alright.


Anonymous said...

When grandad passed away the folks had an auctioneer come and auction off a 40x40 pole barn full of tools +the house full of furnishings,after "commissions" there was nothing.

So be careful who you trust in your desire for expediency,and grief.

God's peace be upon you my friend.

Shameless said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. At least you have good memories to hold onto.

CS said...


It's a real blessing to have had a good relationship with your mom Not all families can say that. I'm glad that you can.

Thoughts and prayers to you, bro.

Anonymous said...

In my thoughts and prayers Bro
an old MRA accomplice now anonymous

Curiepoint said...

God's peace be with you and your brother.

God's good will be with your mother.

WooZoo said...

Sorry for you loss Marky.
I hope things go better than expected.

Anonymous said...

If you and your brother are handling it and are executors then you'll have to follow the provisions of the will.If there is no will then the probate court handles it and makes a will based on order of inheritance.If you are executor but have never done this before then you may need the assistance of a lawyer as to what papers to file with the court and filing an estate income tax form with the IRS even if no tax is due.You won't be able to sell the property unless she already deeded it to you or collect the proceeds from any bank accounts unless it is labeled in trust to you.If you are already executor then you'll have to sell everything, close bank accounts etc and putit into the bank account set up for the estate because it will take 9 months before the proceeds can be distributed.

Anonymous said...

So sorry for your loss Marky, we are about the same age, and I lost my mom back in 2006. I am glad you had a good relationship with your mother as I had with mine. It makes things so much easier. My prayers are with you.

Wayne said...

Sorry to hear about your loss Mark. I know that you were close to your mother, and how much she meant to you; my condolences.


Captain No Marriage said...

Sorry to hear about your loss, I'm glad to hear that you don't have any regrets. My regards to you and your family.

Sociopathic Revelation said...

Again, you know I'm here and pulling for you as well. SR

Burton said...

Good luck, dude!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, Mark. Good luck

Anonymous said...


My sincere condolences, my friend. As you know, I lost my father, my last brother, my best friend all last year. I know your pain. Hang in there my friend.

Christopher in Oregon

Anonymous said...

Sad to hear of your loss. I lost my mother in the fall of 2010. It went quick and we were able to say goodbye. She had no doubts about her salvation. Unfortunate that you couldn't say goodbye, but at least you sound comforted that you had a close relationship with your mother.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mark. I just happened to check in and I'm glad I did. My prayers for you my friend, I can't fathom the loss that you feel right now. Take care, and get back to us in your time.


jfr said...

My condolences to you MM. I'm sorry to hear about your Mom.

The suddenness of it must have been quite a shock.

Hang in there MM

Jennifer said...

I'm no fella, but I'm very sorry for your loss, Mark. Still have my mom, but lost my grandmother a year ago, though it feels like a few months, and the empty house that used to have both grandparents and so many family parties has been weighing on me.

Anonymous said...


Sorry I'm late, but I haven't checked this blog for a few days. Condolences.

I know we in the manosphere always complain about women and usually not without some justification, but we're all born of mothers and most mothers do make significant sacrifices for their kids. So, here's to your mom!

I can't imagine what it's like to lose a mother. When the day comes for me, I think I'm gonna be sad.

As a lawyer, let me comment on the estate stuff. So long as you and your brother get along, you should have no problems. Estates only become really problematic if the relatives don't get along. That's why estate litigation is the worst - much like family law. I don't know about your relationship with your brother, so let me just make a general comment that you should try to be as diplomatic and cordial with him as possible through this whole process.

If you have any legal questions, just ask me in this comment thread and I'll try to respond as best I can.


ApeX said...

My condolences, MarkyMark

MarkyMark said...


My brother and I get along fine. We're not going to have any problems, so I expect the legal matters to flow smoothly. We knew what Ma's wishes were (she was clear & open with us while she was alive), so we're going to do our best to carry them out. Besides, estate litigation only enriches the lawyers, not the litigants! Why would we want to do that?

What I dread is cleaning out Ma's house, having to sell it, etc. I dread the real PITA stuff. Since I'm closest, I'll have to meet with the appraisers, realtors, contractors, etc. I just want to get through it.


Anonymous said...

Sorry for your loss MM


Mrs. Anna T said...

I haven't visited for a very long time, but something prompted me to think of you now. I am very, very sorry; more than words can say. It is good to hear you are at peace and have no regrets; wishing you well. I will be checking for an update soon.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear it, man. Take care.

ScareCrow said...

My condolences on your loss.

I hope things go smoothly for you.

Ollie said...

My sincere condolences to you, my friend.

May your mother rest in peace.

andybob said...

You have my deepest sympathy. It is always a shock to lose a parent, even when it is expected. Take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

Marky Mark,

Sorry to hear of your loss. My condolences.


Anonymous said...


I am truly sorry for your loss.


PC Geek said...


From (A few times) commenter and sometimes reader...

Yet another person who will be keeping you and your family in his thoughts and prayers!

May the Lord comfort you on Earth and may you meet your mom again beyond the circles of this world!

benignbullet said...

MarkyMark -

So sorry about your mom.

I can't imagine how hard this must be, but I hope you'll be back soon.

Excellent and entertaining work (mega thumbs up!).

Anonymous said...

These words come late, MarkyMark, but I did want to share my sympathies with you just the same.

I'm happy that you have no regrets to pain you & torment you...I am similarly blessed in my own memories of my mother, who passed away this very day 7 years ago.

May God bless your mother's memory, & may she rest in peace.


TJ said...


I offer you my condolences for your loss. It is difficult losing a part of yourself and a loved one.

Your shared love and closeness will assist you greatly during this difficult transition.

All the best to you and your family!

Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear of you loss...

NO MA'AM said...

I'm sorry for your loss, Marky Mark. No-one can explain the magnitude of the loss of a parent.

God be with you.