Guys,
I was reading Dalrock's post about the secret the KGB couldn't keep, followed by the comments. One of the respondents linked to a post on the Happy Bachelor's forum, where I found THIS...
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Date: 2008-01-01, 6:15PM EST
I think that there is a lot of unduly inflammatory and derogatory talk about women and marriage these days, and I believe that this stifles men from understanding several truisms about marriage. Women are not bad people, out to destroy men, or trying to trick men. Women and society simply have certain characteristics and men should be aware of these characteristics when they decide whether or not to get married.
1. You will be having sex once a month. This is not because women are trying to withhold sex from you. It is also not because women view sex (and particularly fellatio) as a loss leader or necessary evil before marriage. It is simply because women (unlike men) need to be seduced before sex. This means that during the courtship period where there are many romantic and fun events going on, she will want to have sex more often. After marriage, on the other hand, there will be far fewer of these romantic and fun events because (particularly if there are children) there is a lot of work to be done in order for the family to function smoothly. You will notice that if you take your wife to Paris or buy her jewelry, then you will all of sudden be having sex as often as you did before marriage. Some men would interpret this as a woman being some type of gold-digger or prostitute. However, it is simply a reflection that if a woman is feeling elated (something that will not happen very often after dealing with screaming kids all day), then she will want to have sex.
2. Women need a lot of attention. If you have ambitions on having a great career, then you should definitely not get married. This is because wives take a lot of time. You will need to speak to her on the phone, be home for dinner, go on vacations with her, and so one. Many men think that women will understand and accept that careers take a lot of time and effort to build, but this is not the case. Women, however, are unwilling to be left sitting at home all day until you arrive at 10:00 pm because you had a big meeting. Again, inflammatory language about women being dream killers or life destroyers is not helpful. You simply need to know that careers take a lot of time and your wife will also take a lot of time, and there will not be enough time available to have both. To put it another way, how would you like to live with someone you rarely saw? Wouldnt you want to find someone that you could at least see on a regular basis?
3. Women become less attractive over time. First, they gain weight. This is because married women have a lot to do (ie. taking care of the kids) and it is difficult to make exercising a priority. When they were younger, they could count on their high metabolism to keep thin, but that high metabolism is long gone. It is not that your wife is intentionally ballooning up after marriage, but this is what happens. If you cant accept being with a fattie, then dont get married. Second, wrinkles etc. appear and there is little that even the finest and expensive plastic surgeon can do. If you dont believe me, type in the name of any aging movie star and see how she looked in her prime and how she looks today.)
4. Marriage is a partnership. This, to my mind, is one of the hardest concepts for men to understand. They typically think of marriage as being what it used to be - a lifetime commitment. You need to understand that in a partnership (any partnership), if one person is unhappy, then that person can leave at anytime. Saying till death do us part in church is only binding in church. Once you are out the church doors, the marriage is determinable at will.
5. Men are always the losers in a divorce. If you or your wife want to get divorced, then the court will follow a very set pattern. The first issue is money. Since you have a greater earning capacity than your wife, the court will order that you must work to provide money to support the family. The second issue is custody of the kids. Since you are busy working, your wife will get custody. The third issue is the residence of the kids. Since your wife will decide that she wants a fresh start on the other side of the country and since it is in the best interests of the kids to have a happy custodial parent, the court will allow her to move across the country.
6. It is crucial that you ask your potential wife if she will change her last name to yours after marriage. If she refuses, then you will know that she is a very independent women and does not have family values. Any aspirations that you may have of someone calling your house and hearing an outgoing phone message saying that they have reached the Smith family will be over when she says she is not changing her last name. Also, there is going to be big problem with the last of the children, because your wife is not going to want the last name of her kids to be different than her last name. You should note that in some jurisdications (like Ontario, Canada), women have the sole right to name the children. Men have no right to any input whatsoever.
7. Your only role in the family is to pay the bills. This is very hard for men to accept, but women are absolutely convinced that they know what is best. You will not have discussions with your wife. Instead, she will explain to you why things must be done her way. This will, in effect, limit your input into the family to supplying the money that is needed to allow the family to function. You should also know that making money will be seen as very easy by your wife and not something that is worthy of respect. This is because she will know about all the hardships she suffered that day (because she experienced them), but the hardships you suffered will be foreign and unrelatable to her. Also, if you do not fulfill your role of paying the bills, then your wife will divorce you. This will be dressed up as her not being happy but you will notice very quickly that her new husband, coincidentally, is able to pay a lot of bills. (I would add that your only defence in a bad marriage is to quit your job. To be clear, dont threaten to quit your job, just quit it. This will shock your wife into seeing that you were doing something useful for the family afterall.)
8. You will not be able to watch what you want on television. This may sound trivial, but you should definitely try unplugging your television for a couple of months before getting married.
9. Ugly women can cause just as much trouble as good looking women. I am only making this point, because I know that some men think that the problems with women only apply to very attractive women and so if they find a less attractive woman, then they wont have to deal with the above. This is not true. Women behave very similarly in similar circumstances. Even the ugliest woman among us believes that she is beautiful on the inside and once you get married she will act as married women do.
I know what you are thinking. That your girlfriend is different and that the above wont apply to you. You are also thinking that you and your girlfriend are in love and that this again makes you an exception. You are, of course, free to think what you want, but I wish I had been warned.
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What more could I POSSIBLY add?
MarkyMark
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23 comments:
That definitely amused me some. Relationships have an ebb and flow. I was laughing to myself about much of it. My husband encouraged me to keep my last name because he felt like it was exotic and sexy to be married to a Latin lady. Having the same last name doesn't make you more married to each other, it just gives you the same last name. Sometimes women gain weight because of an undiagnosed thyroid condition,so get with the doctor and insist on a routine blood serum test to check on that. Ultimately, love is not about looks. Not real love, anyway. Also, I can think of plenty of times where I was the one hinting about wanting to have sex. When people are single, it just seems that they are more motivated in a relationship. Maybe it's like that because everything is new. Anyway, just my 2 cents. (I may be SSC, but I am married now. :)
"1. You will be having sex once a month. This is not because women are trying to withhold sex from you. It is also not because women view sex (and particularly fellatio) as a loss leader or necessary evil before marriage. It is simply because women (unlike men) need to be seduced before sex."
Both my parents admit that my mom gave it up to my dad any time he wanted.
I do have to say:
1. Frequency of sex: it is completely unnecessary to take your wife to Paris to renew passion. A candlelit dinner, unhurried conversation, a romantic massage and a shared bath can work just as nicely. And it costs next to nothing.
2. "If you have ambitions on having a great career, then you should definitely not get married" - I believe here he isn't just *not quite right*, but definitely wrong. Look at the successful men of today. I daresay most of them are married, and those who have been married for a long time usually state in interviews that their wives had supported them from the start of their career. Also look at spiritual leaders, such as rabbis, who often have extremely demanding schedules, sometimes receiving people/giving lectures well into the night. All married and more often than not with very large families of children who all turn out well.
3. Women become less attractive over time. Newsflash: so do men. Not a reason to neglect one's health, fitness and looks, of course, but let's get real.
7. "Your only role in the family is to pay the bills" - this is just so wrong on so many levels that I don't even know where to begin.
8. Why don't you try unplugging your television forever, regardless of whether or not you get married? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. And then you can fight over other things, such as whether you squeeze or roll the toothpaste.
"Women become less attractive over time. Newsflash: so do men."
Of course we all do, but the average man undeniably much better than the average women. Besides, even if this were untrue it wouldn't matter, as the primary attraction a woman has to a man is his pocket book. The problem is that the primary attraction that a man has to a woman is her looks and her; well, you know? And so, since the concept of romantic love is relatively new, and in fact, doesn't actually exist, this means that men should never marry. And thanks to the feminists liberating men (You read that right) men no longer have to buy the cow for the "milk". Thank you feminists!
"Both my parents admit that my mom gave it up to my dad any time he wanted."
And this would be my first time ever hearing of such a marriage?
Men; don't fool yourselves into thinking that you will be so lucky as was Jim's dad. If you do, you're going to be in for an awful lot of disappointment.
Back before Mark had to remove most of his postings there was a book he would often refer to. If I remember correctly, it was written by a minister and it was about the true, hidden nature of women. Does anyone know the name and author of that book?
Anon2040,
I believe the book you're referring to is The Predatory Female, by a chap called Rev. Lawrence Shannon. HOWEVER-and this is key-there's no biographical information available on Mr. SHannon, so we don't know if he's a real reverend, or if it's just a nickname, much like Colonel was a nickname for distinguished and accomplished Southern gentlemen...
MarkyMark
Savvy,
The fact that a woman refuses to take her husband's last name speaks VOLUMES about her. It says she's a feminist who won't submit to her husband on anything. If I were to marry, I'd want my wife taking my last name; if she wasn't agreeable to this, then she'd be gone-end of story. BTW, what's ironic in all this is that her last name is most likely from a man-her father!
MarkyMark
All explain why NO MAN should ever marry. It is much more effective to have a number of women seeing to your needs. Marriage is for chumps...
That's the book! Thanks, Mark.
"Of course we all do, but the average man undeniably much better than the average women."
Hmm. Not from what I see. But then, I live in Israel, not the US.
On another topic, I find the idea of a wife "giving it up" to her husband rather unpleasant. It sounds as if she is doing him a favor ("sigh. Oh well, if you insist") and this is not how things should be. My husband would be totally put off by such a lukewarm attitude.
I've heard instances of females (and a few males) changing their surnames upon reaching adulthood to that of their mother's maiden name. These women, not surprisingly, are often the product of divorce or unmarried parents. The name change is always an attempt to get back at dad.
I even recall one woman, an actress I believe, taking on her grandmother's maiden name.
But how far back are women willing to go in changing their last names to retrospectively avenge any perceived wrongs that the big, bad patriarchy imposed upon their female ancestors? One generation? Two generations? Don't stop at grandma. Surely you can find fault with how great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandpa Jed treated great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma Mary during the Gold Rush. He probably didn't even ask her if she wanted rabbit for dinner. He just left the house alone, bore the elements, scoped out his prey, killed it, fought off scavengers, brought it home and expected her to cook it. The brute.
Maybe all women should just have the last name "Eve"...
And then there are the women who hyphenate their last name with that of their husband. Or husbands. It's not uncommon for a woman with a hyphenated last name to divorce, remarry, and then replace the old husband's last name in the pairing with the new husband's last name.
My question has always been, when a hyphenate procreates with/marries another hyphenate, what will be the last name of the wife and children?
Oh yes, I've heard some ridiculous double last names. "Rosenbaum-Rosenfeld" if you believe it.
"I even recall one woman, an actress I believe, taking on her grandmother's maiden name."
As a stage name or an actual everyday name? There's a big difference. I took my husband's last name upon marrying, but am using an abbreviation of my grandmother's maiden name as a pen name. We don't feel comfortable using our real name because my husband is a man who likes his privacy.
"Oh yes, I've heard some ridiculous double last names."
I remember when I was a teenager going to some high school requirement where we were told that things would go in alphabetical order by last name. There was one teenager there with a hyphenated last name, something along the line of Baker-Smith. When the adults moved on to the C's without calling this young guy he inquired, and was told that he was put with the S's. He then argued with someone in charge for more than five minutes that the leading surname of his hyphenated last name should be recognized first. Too bad he wasn't a Rosenbaum-Rosenfeld.
"As a stage name or an actual everyday name?"
I don't remember exactly. The stage name decision seems plausible.
I agree, this was pretty funny.
#1) Hahaha, no. I will not elaborate, as a lady doesn't kiss and tell. However, it should be noted that "dealing with screaming kids all day" can indeed be stressful, and that few things are better stress relievers than sex.
#3) Physically, perhaps. Don't most humans? But (hopefully--if we're doing this life experience thing right) we also increase in many other attractive things, such as wisdom, and patience, and overall good character.
#4) Sort of, in the sense that both people bring different skills, talents, experiences, etc. to the marriage, and hopefully one's weakness is complemented by the other's strength. (Example: I don't deal with cockroaches--I call for the brave strong husband who isn't skeeved out by them. He doesn't deal with paperwork--he calls for the detail-oriented wife with legible handwriting!) But sort of not--in some situations there simply CANNOT be two co-leaders. I'm very clear on the fact that I am the VP&COO, not the P&CEO.
#5) Very sadly true. I've heard so many stories from friends, coworkers, etc. And in fact, I'm still mopping up a mess my husband's ex created for him most of a decade ago...
#7) Nope. That's as absurd and reductionist a statement as saying that the woman's only role is to cook. Although, if one listed all the aspects and tasks that are part of being a husband and father, might it be overwhelming and just as scary a warning?
#8) It sounds trivial because it is. There are so many better things to do. (Like conversation, music, walks, and...ahem...see #1) My husband doesn't watch what he wants on TV because there was no TV in my house when he moved in here and made it OUR house, and he didn't bring one with him.
#9) Ugly women and good-looking women alike cause problems sometimes because they are humans, and it is human nature to be a pain in the butt. Especially to those other humans who are closest! :D
--Sarah
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And this would be my first time ever hearing of such a marriage?
Men; don't fool yourselves into thinking that you will be so lucky as was Jim's dad. If you do, you're going to be in for an awful lot of disappointment."
Oh I agree. My dad's situation is VERY RARE. I was just saying that it's the wife's duty to put out when her husbands wants it. But these days getting married is the most idiotic thing a man can do.
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And this would be my first time ever hearing of such a marriage?
Men; don't fool yourselves into thinking that you will be so lucky as was Jim's dad. If you do, you're going to be in for an awful lot of disappointment."
Oh I agree. My dad's situation is VERY RARE. I was just saying that it's the wife's duty to put out when her husbands wants it. But these days getting married is the most idiotic thing a man can do.
Back when I was in my twenties, I learned enough about feminism and marriage to know that I wanted nothing to do with either one.
The last thirty years have shown me just how right I was in my decision.
MGTOW -- MY life, MY choice!
I wander what advice this author would have for my brother. He's going to get married next spring. She's fat and not-at-all attractive, but she makes more $$ than my brother. My mom does not approve, and for good reason: 10 yrs. ago, he was dating this same chick (she was fat and ugly then), she talked him into quitting his job so he could drive 50 miles over to see her every day. She ruined his credit, and collectors were calling my apartment and my parents house asking for him. Then, after they broke up she married one of his friends for 4 years (Her latest husband's last name still appears on the caller i.d.) My brother, in the meantime, got married to another winner (and that's a whole other topic - I tried to warn him there, but he was just "following his heart") for 7 years followed by a nasty divorce. Then he was dating a rebound chick, got serious about her, then she messed with his mind and emotions...and money! Now he's back with this hog that he tried for a whole year to sneak around us. She actually wrote my mom a letter telling her that my brother is her "other half" and they were brought together by the "grace of God."
I told him because she makes more money she's going to be calling all the shots if she isn't already. He's told me ,"dude, I'm following my heart." SMFH!!!! It's like some people never learn, but it's still painful to watch. I bet WHEN he gets a divorce, he'll be wanting to hit me up for money. LOL, I'm thinking of that scene in Goodfellas when Henry comes crawling back to Paulie. He gives him chump change (for Mobster money anyway), then says, "Now I gotta turn my back on you." Also that scene in Cop Land, when Sylvester Stallone comes storming into De Niro's office, and De Niro tells Stallone, "Listen, you deaf fuck, I offered you a chance when we could've done something.....and YOU BLEW IT!!"
For years I've told him, in no uncertain terms, that he might be happier going foreign. Not a guarantee, I know, but at least he would have a better chance of actually meeting a foreign women, who would return his love and affection. I guess sometimes we can only LEARN from others.
Why is there the premise that it is always the husband who wants sex, and the wife turning him down?
Just as often, the man has gotten tired of fucking the same woman, and has lost attraction for her. She is the one begging and HE is turning her down.
Why this insistence on ignoring that this is often the case?
is there anyway to stop Hollywood from making movies where a woman kicks a big man's ass? I yawn at each attempt therewith....
A lot of this advise seems to be for "beta" males. Consider the following:
You will notice that if you take your wife to Paris or buy her jewelry, then you will all of sudden be having sex as often as you did before marriage.
Think that rock stars, pro athletes and gangbangers are flying their groupies to Europe and spending money on jewelry?
The first stage to avoid becoming a "beta" male is to stop acting like one.
is there anyway to stop Hollywood from making movies where a woman kicks a big man's ass? I yawn at each attempt therewith....
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