There are movies that just ooze MGTOW; there are movies that embody the spirt of what MGTOW is, and what it is all about. One of those movies is Rudy, which was released in 1993. You can read more in the Wiki here.
For those who haven't seen it, Rudy is about a kid whose dream it was to play football at Notre Dame. The only problem is that Rudy was 5'6" (1.68m) tall, and weighed in at 165# (75kg)-small for a football player. Everyone told him that he couldn't do it; everyone said that his playing football at Notre Dame was out of the question for him. To make a long story short, Rudy not only attended Notre Dame; not only did he get a degree from there; he actually PLAYED on the team.
What lessons does Rudy have to teach MGTOW? While one may question whether or not wanting to play Notre Dame football is a worthy goal, Rudy's example provides many instructive life lessons for all of us; this is true for the MGHOW. I won't belabor you with all the plot details, but I'll be skipping all around, meaning that my points won't exactly coincide with the events of the movie in chronological order. I'll cite many examples and lessons the movie, Rudy, has for MGTOW. Some of these lessons are about friendship, pursuit of one's dreams, and women as dream killers.
One of the BIG lessons from Rudy deals with true, male friendship. Even though his family tells Rudy that he's crazy; that he cannot POSSIBLY hope to play Notre Dame football; Pete, his life long friend always believed in him; Pete always stuck up for his friend. Two examples come to my mind: the bar scene, when he calls out Rudy's brother, Frank; and when he gave Rudy the Notre Dame jacket.
In the local bar where the steel workers (and, by association, Rudy's brother and father) hang out, Frank got sick of hearing Rudy talk about Notre Dame. Frank, who's drunk at this point, calls Rudy names and puts down his younger brother. Pete, incensed by this, sticks up for Rudy. Pete gets in Frank's face, and tells him that if he'd had Rudy's heart, he could have been All Conference as a football player; he then said that Coach had called Frank a pussy. Frank wisely decided to back down at that point, and leave Rudy alone.
The next powerful example took place in the steel mill's lunch room. Pete and Rudy are reminiscing, talking about how fast the previous four years had gone by; they were trying to grapple with the fact that their lives were going to be as humdrum as those of their parents. During that lunch, Rudy thanked Pete for being a friend, and for being the only one who believed in him. Pete then gave him the Notre Dame jacket.
Soon after that, Pete got killed in an explosion. Rudy was shaken by the death of the one, true friend he'd had. He also, partly to honor Pete's memory, decided that it was now or never; if he didn't go to South Bend, IN (home of Notre Dame) then, he never would.
Now, at this point, I must back track to Rudy's childhood. Not only did he play football with his friends and older brothers (in spite of being the runt of the bunch!); he had a life long female friend and neighborhood girl, Sherry. Rudy and Sherry had grown up together as playmates and friends; one scene from the movie shows Rudy and Sherry as kids enjoying a Notre Dame game at Rudy's house. When they became older, they became boyfriend and girlfriend. Though there isn't a scene in the movie that showed him proposing to Sherry, the couple is shown looking at houses right before Pete's death; it was evident that they were engaged at this point, because they were looking at houses.
Here's one of the lessons I wish to deal with next. Though it was last on my list, it's easiest to deal with this now. Women are DREAM KILLERS, Gentlemen!
At some point, when Rudy has graduated HS and is working at the mill, he and Sherry looking at houses as a young couple. In front of one, Sherry says that the house is adorable, that they can afford it, and that they can do this (i.e. buy the house in which to raise their future family). Rudy, like any guy staring a huge decision and commitment in the face, is understandably reluctant. Sherry then grabs his arm, turns him towards her, and says something that's rather telling: "Hey Buddy, I've put in my time. You owe me!" What she was REALLY saying was this: I've waited long enough for you to play ball; I've waited long enough for you to do what I want; do what I want, or else!
Fast forwarding to Pete's death and funeral, Sherry and Rudy talk about their future. Rudy tearfully tells Sherry that he HAS to pursue his dream of attending college at Notre Dame; he has to do this both for personal reasons and to honor Pete's memory; he does his best to communicate to her that this is just something he MUST do. Sherry then says something else that's rather telling, something else that gives us insight into women: that, if he does this (i.e. leaves in pursuit of what she thinks is his foolish dream), then he'll have to do it alone; she will NOT be joining him. Rudy tearfully said that he knew that, yet much to his credit, that didn't stop him from leaving. Rudy, in spite of the prospect of losing Sherry, is resolute, and he's committed to leaving-a true MGHOW. I'll have more to say about Sherry later...
Before I go on to my next point, my mom watched Rudy with me during a recent visit earlier this summer. Though I've seen the movie many times, I never tire of watching it; it's such an uplifting, instructive movie (i.e. has many good life lessons) that I never tire of watching it. My mom was put off by Sherry's actions and demeanor, and she's a woman! My mom felt that Sherry was selfish, and that she was only out for what she wanted.
The final lesson that Rudy teaches us is this: to make big dreams come true, they must be pursued with SINGLE MINDED FOCUS; he did whatever it took! During the course of the movie Rudy is constantly evaluating decisions via one, simple, criterion: will it help me achieve my goals? Will it help me get in to Notre Dame, so I can have a shot at playing on the team there?
To this end, Rudy isn't shown dating in the movie. He helps his tutor, D-Bob (who became his friend), meet girls, but that's as far as it goes. Rudy simply didn't have the time, energy, or opportunity to date. He was either working, eating, practicing, or studying. When would he have had the time to date? Besides, girls would have gotten in the way of achieving his larger goal.
Another part of that single minded focus was the resourcefulness that Rudy showed in the film. Soon after he started working on the stadium ground crew, he discovered that there's a cot in the work room; it was for Fortune's sciatica. Since Rudy doesn't have a place to stay, he unlocks the window, so he can later get in and sleep that night. Soon thereafter, Fortune left him a key to the office, so he wouldn't have to break in anymore-ha!
That brings me back to the lesson of friendship. Fortune was clearly Rudy's friend. Though he was hard on the outside, he had a good heart on the inside. This was shown by the fact that he gave Rudy a key to the office. When Rudy went to thank him later, Fortune said he "didn't know NOTHIN' about it."
Another example of his friendship to Rudy is shown here. It's my favorite scene of the movie, really. Rudy was discouraged and wanted to quit. Fortune, being the good friend that he was, told Rudy what he NEEDED to hear vs. telling him what he wanted to hear; he gave Rudy a verbal kick in the ass, because he needed it. He also told Rudy about how he'd quit the team years before; how he still regretted it; and how Rudy would regret it if he quit. I get chills and tears every time I view that scene, because it's a fine example of good, male friendship.
In closing, Rudy, though it's a fun, feel good, and uplifting film, also has many lessons to teach us. One is that achieving a great goal takes single minded focus; anything that does not help one achieve said goal must be jettisoned from his life. Two, women are dream killers; if you marry one, you'll have to give up a lot of your dreams, since you won't have the time, energy, or opportunity to pursue them. Finally, Rudy shows us what good, male friendship is all about. If you've never seen it, please do so. You'll be glad you did! Until next time...
MarkyMark
8 comments:
Any other movies you might recommend?
Sooner or later I will end up reviewing them:
http://home.earthlink.net/~jamiranda/mramovies/index.html
I'd be interested in seeing what you think about Rudy...
I find "Rudy" to be a not particularly good movie from the MGTOW viewpoint. Rudy completely buys into a stereotypical "real man" model, a football player, and lets that totally rule his life. How is playing, or, rather wanting to play (more on that later) to play Big Time college football "going your own way?" It seems more like going the standard way instead. Since that is the main point and plot line of the movie, I don't think you can just write it off, as you try to, as merely being a "questionable goal."
Football teams are the epitome of overly structured, dictatorial, authoritarian institutions. Particularly at the Big Time college level. Playing football at such a school means letting the coaches run your life. Your every move will be monitored. You can't take too demanding a major, because that might detract from practice or "voluntary" weight room time. Your social life is the school's business. You can't even sell your own property (see what happened at Ohio State) without violating some rule. Between the coaches, the school officials, and the NCAA, you are basically an unpaid slave working to making money for the coach, make the alumni happy, give the school prestige, and provide free labor for ESPN. Does that sound MGTOW to you?
And that's for real football players, which Rudy was not. He was, in effect, a mascot. A coach'es pet. Parseghian kept him on the team as a foil to the real players. "See," the coach says, "look how hard Rudy tries in practice, why can't you prima donas be like him?" He simply wasn't good enough or big or strong enough to play football at the high D-I level.
(continued)
But he was determined to anyway. Is that a good thing? I guess someone could say it was, IF, somehow, he overcame the odds and actually became a good, or even ordinary, player. But he wasn't. He wasn't only not a star, or even a regular, he wasn't even a backup. He only dressed for one game, and that was to "reward" him. A bone thrown to him, the way you let the little kid at the pickup baseball game hit the ball and run around the bases, pretending that he hit a home run when he hits a dribbler to the first baseman after being served up a two mile an hour underhanded pitch. Like that little kid, Rudy's "outs and runs don't count." The difference being, of course, that most kids grow out of it. And he doesn't seem to get much out of college besides football, so you can't even say that his determination paid off, even if only in an unexpected way.
Funny thing too is that, in real life, Rudy was a decent high school football player (albeit in a prep school league). He COULD have, perhaps, actually played college football at the DII or DIII level. That would have been a real accomplishment. Instead, he went for the phony one, at Notre Dame. To be on the Big Shot team even if he couldn't play. Why, because that's what his father wanted? Or his brother? Or to show the people in his home town that they were all wrong when they underestimated him? Is that setting your own goals? Is that what we think is a model for MGTOWs? Buy into conventional society's status symbols? Its pre programmed notions of what is successful and worthwhile and what is not? And, when you can't make it on merit, hang around and hope for sympathy cuz you tried real hard and really, really want it?
How did Rudy really make the team? Not becaues he was a good football player, that's for sure. It was purely a function of intensive, relentless wheedling, and sucking up to people in authority. Currying favor and essentially demanding a prize which he had no right to and had never earned. Pestering the coach. Procuring girls for his tutor to get a grade that he didn't deserve. Etc, etc.
You call it resoursefulness, I call it a creepy willingness to descend to any level to fulfill a self aggrandizing and fairly unattractive goal. Rudy elevated a banal, obvious and actually quite stupid dream into a raison d'etre and would stop at nothing to fulfill. A tawdry little obsession which he insists on elevating to cosmic importance.
Rudy's way of being in world is fundamentally nauseating and he is a role model for no one, never mind a MGTOW.
Anon0011,
You obviously didn't read every word I wrote. I said that, regardless of whether one thinks that playing football @ Notre Dame is worthy, Rudy did WHATEVER IT TOOK to make it happen. He focused on those things that would help him achieve his goal, while jettisoning those things that didn't. For example, Rudy didn't date; it would have gotten in the way of what he had to do to achieve his goal.
Rudy is also noteworthy, because he said NO to Sherry, his childhood girlfriend. He pursued his dream, not his girlfriend like most guys would. Even though she, in essence, issued him an ultimatum (saying that he'd have to do this without her), Rudy pursued his dream anyway. Isn't THAT the essence of MGTOW, doing what you want vs. what some bitch wants?
MarkyMark
"You obviously didn't read every word I wrote. I said that, regardless of whether one thinks that playing football @ Notre Dame is worthy...."
I read it. I mentioned it in my first paragraph, and I'll repeat what I said about it:
"How is playing, or, rather wanting to play...to play Big Time college football 'going your own way?' It seems more like going the standard way instead. Since that is the main point and plot line of the movie, I don't think you can just write it off, as you try to, as merely being a 'questionable goal.'"
Just saying "regardless" doesn't make it disappear. The whole point of the movie is Rudy's quest to play at Notre Dame. You can't just wish that away merely because it does not conform to your thesis.
"Rudy did WHATEVER IT TOOK to make it happen."
Including debasing himself. Great.
Moreover, MGTOW does NOT mean that men have to set some sort of "Impossible Dream" goal, and then do "WHATEVER IT TAKES" to make it happen. Little guys don't have to play Big Time college football. Nor do men have to find gold in Alaska, swim the English Channel, etc, etc. Going your own way is actually quite easy. A man without a woman to support can live quite cheaply. He can quite easily live a rewarding life. That's the message about MGTOW that we should be spreading. It is not hard. Once you jettison conventional expectations (including those that women have for you, but also including trad male stereotypes), going MGTOW is as easy as pie.
Anyway, I think it's a fake to say that Rudy ever did achieve his goal. His goal was to be a football player at Notre Dame, but he never was, not really. As I demonstrated, he was, at best, a mascot. He dressed for one game and was only on the field for a minute.
"Rudy pursued his dream anyway. Isn't THAT the essence of MGTOW, doing what you want vs. what some bitch wants?"
Um, no. The essence of MGTOW is doing what you want vs. meeting the entire package of conventional expectations that are put on men. Women are only a part of that.
Why did he dream of playing at Notre Dame? Cuz that's was his father's dream? To prove his brother wrong? Cux playing Big Time college footbal is a marker of "success" as determined by conventional society? How is that going your own way?
It's not the act of playing football, per se, that's an example of MGTOW; what stands out is HOW Rudy pursued his dream: with single minded focus. Everything he did was geared to pursuit of his dream-even at the expense of losing his childhood and high school sweetheart. That would have been too high a cost for 99.99% of the guys out there.
He could have applied the same approach to anything he chose to do. It wasn't what the dream was; it was that he had one, and that he put everything he had into pursuit of said dream. That is the REAL lesson Rudy teaches us.
As for his dream itself, I believe that all Rudy wanted to do was be a MEMBER OF THE TEAM; to meet that requirement, he had to: 1) dress for one game; and 2) make at least one play in that game. He fulfilled the requirements of his stated goal, thus making him a member of the team.
"It's not the act of playing football, per se, that's an example of MGTOW; what stands out is HOW Rudy pursued his dream: with single minded focus. Everything he did was geared to pursuit of his dream..."
First of all, I don't see how you can just ignore the content of that dream, but I won't beat that horse any more.
Secondly, why is the single minded pursuit of something to be set up as the model? A real MGTOW might have goals, yes. But he seeks a balance in life. He is not going to sacrifice his dignity and pride.
And, to repeat, it is actually quite easy to become a MGTOW. No great quest is necessary. No single minded devotion to some external goal. That should be our message.
"He could have applied the same approach to anything he chose to do."
What approach was that? Wheedling? Begging? Pimping? Asking for, no demanding, for selfish, emotional reasons, something that he didn't, based on merit, deserve? Why is that somethng to emulate?
"It wasn't what the dream was; it was that he had one, and that he put everything he had into pursuit of said dream. That is the REAL lesson Rudy teaches us."
Even assuming the content of the dream doesn't matter, he didn't succeed by "putting everything he had into the pursuit" That would perhaps would have bee the case if, hypothetically, he had somehow made himself into a skillful enough football player to overcome his lack of size and strength so as to deserve, based on ability and hard work, to be on the team. But that isn't what happened. Instead he wormed and emotionally blackmailed his way onto the team. Sounds much like what an entilement princess would do.
"As for his dream itself, I believe that all Rudy wanted to do was be a MEMBER OF THE TEAM; to meet that requirement, he had to: 1) dress for one game; and 2) make at least one play in that game. He fulfilled the requirements of his stated goal, thus making him a member of the team."
Please, he was only on the team at all as a mascot. He dressed for one game and was in that only for a minute, and even that was a result of pity, of his years long campaign of emotional blackmail, of pleading, wheedling, etc. He simply was not good enough to be a football player at Notre Dame. And he didn't make himself into a player who was good enough. What he was good at was begging.
Be a beggar, and maybe, if you beg long and hard enough, you will get a debased simulacra of what you dream to be, but don't deserve. Great "lesson."
Basically, all you got is that he said no to his girlfriend. Fine, I agree that that is a positive from a MGTOW perspective. The whole rest of the movie, though, no way.
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