Why Men Avoid Marriage in America

 Guys,

Yesterday, Far From Eden put out a video about why men are walking away from women, relationships, and marriage. I've had a spirited back & forth with a guy telling me that, if I don't take the risk, I'll die childless and alone. While I understand and am in basic agreement with him, he's not from the US. He has no understanding about what American men face if their wives divorce them. Below is my response to him.

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​ @anonperson3972  since you're not in the US or even the Western World, you have no idea of what men face here. If you're in a country that has sane divorce laws, promotes family, and so on, GREAT! Then, the risk is worth it. Where I am, the risk is not; I know, because I speak from experience.

Furthermore, I agree with you that marriage and family are the bedrock of a healthy society. God created marriage and family, so there's that too. However, we no longer practice marriage in that way.

Let me tell you a little story. 20-25 years ago, I lived near the Jersey Shore. The Jersey Shore is within an hour or so drive of NYC; where I used to live, one could also take a bus or train to NYC as well. One of the Jersey Shore's best known landmarks is Monmouth Park, a horse racing track.

I used to go to Monmouth Park every weekend, as I enjoyed the horse racing. I used to bet on the horses, and I never lost. I didn't always win; some days, I broke even. However, I never lost. Why? Because, I made it a point to know the odds before placing my bets.

I got a copy of the track's program and a copy of the Daily Racing Form as soon as the track opened, which used to be like two hours before the first race. I then found a table, and I studied them. I looked at which horses were racing; I looked at how they did on dirt vs. grass; I looked at how they did over short vs. long distances; I looked at when they last ran; I looked at whether they'd won before; and so on. Then, for good measure, I made it a point to watch the horses being paraded before they took to the track. What was their body language? What was their attitude? I can remember races where I won the bet because I saw a confident horse being paraded before post time. Only then did I walk over to the betting window and put my money down. Again, I never lost. Why? Because I knew the odds going in, and I placed my wagers accordingly.

The same principle applies to marriage. What kind of women are available? Are they wife material, or are they for fun only? Do they have high body counts? What do they think of men? Do they like men? Here in the US, women don't like men very much. Are the women kind? Do they have good domestic skills? Are they honest? Do they even attempt to do the right thing, regardless of how they feel? Face it, women are all about their emotions and feelings. Furthermore, what are the consequences for a man if his wife divorced him? How likely is that to happen? Will he be treated fairly, or will he be screwed over? Will he be able to rebuild his life and go on, or will he be ruined long term? And so on.

When viewed in that light, there are things that stand out to me as a man in America. One is that the women suck; sorry, but there's no other way to put it. Two, the vast majority of them aren't ready to be wives; they don't have the attitude to be a good wife, nor do they have the skills to be one. Three, divorce rate is 50%; i.e. there's a one in two chance that your marriage won't last. Four, it'll most likely be the woman who files for divorce; here in the US, wives file for divorce 80% of the time. Five, family court, where divorces are adjudicated, are overwhelmingly anti-male, meaning that you WILL be screwed! The only question is how badly will the man be screwed? Finally, even prenuptial agreements won't necessarily help you; judges can and do set them aside. A man has no protection in divorce. Because it's necessary to be married before one can be divorced, men are making the logical decision to avoid marriage.

Let me address this from another angle, an angle every one can relate to: economics. If you see that the economy is slowing down, what is it you do? You cut spending, right? Since you don't know if you'll be working as much as you did before or not at all, it makes sense to cut spending, so as to save some money for the bad times you see coming. On an individual level, cutting spending makes sense.

However, here in the US, at least 2/3 of economic activity is driven by consumer spending; that is economic activity, the macro economy if you please, is driven by the decisions of millions of individuals. When millions of people make the sensible, individual decision to cut spending, what does that do the the overall economy? It slows down more, doesn't it? After all, it doesn't have the same inputs as it did before. In other words, the decision that makes sense on an individual level is bad on a collective, societal, or macro economic level.

The same applies to marriage and divorce here. Given the environment men face here, it makes no sense to marry; after all, the only way to avoid divorce is to avoid marriage. However, on a collective, societal, and cultural level, that's bad; no country can survive long without strong marriages and families. I understand that, and I agree. However, if I'm literally risking homelessness by getting married, sorry, but I'll pass.

In closing, I agree with you. If all I were to suffer is a broken heart in the wake of divorce, I could deal with that; it would suck, but I could deal with it. What I can't deal with, especially as I'm about to turn 63, is homelessness. Since that's a distinct possibility if I am divorced, I'll pass on marriage; marriage simply isn't in my best interest. Again, the odds are bad for me, so I'll pass; that's a bet I won't make under any circumstances. Thank you.