Guys,
There's a neat blog I found out about! I can't remember how I found it (I think it was on a Manosphere forum or blog), but it's a blog all single guys have to check out. For that matter, married guys need to check it out also. It is: Marriage Is Purgatory. The guy has one post about the fights he has with his wife, which is quite sobering.
The gentleman who writes it lives in a foreign country. He doesn't say what country he's in; he only says that they don't speak English, and that men don't get put through the ringer when they get divorced. He's originally from America, but he's an expat now who teaches English in his new land. He married a local gal after he got her pregnant. Reading it makes me take pause for getting married, because his then GF was wonderful to be around before marriage; afterwards, she wasn't so wonderful, and I will leave it at that.
The reason it makes me take pause is because, until my South American GF reneged on her promise to help me move down there, I was going to do the same thing. She was going to come up here, help me clean and organize the house, pack, etc.; after that, we were going to head back down to her home country. Unlike the host of Marriage Is Purgatory, I would not have been single first; I would have been married before moving down there.
Anyway, READ this blog, Fellas! It's a sobering, bird's eye, man's eye view of what marriage is like. It's also sobering because this fellow American lives in a foreign country; he married a LOCAL gal; and even so, his miserable. Even after taking the red pill, he's still miserable. Perhaps my GF did me a favor by breaking her promise to me? I was going to do something similar-move down to a country that doesn't treat men like the US does, marry a local gal, teach English, etc. I still plan to leave the States in the near future, but I may do so as a single man. Bye for now, Fellas...
MarkyMark
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8 comments:
I've found out by experience, that the best favor that a Modern Woman can do for you, is to reject you.
I've never married, nor fathered children.
I'm in my fifties, and life is good. "Living well" IS the best revenge!
I could write a blog titled "Marriage is Hard Work", or "Marriage Is Like A Walk Uphill", or "Marriage Can Be Challenging"... but that wouldn't sound so catchy.
I've been married for seven years now and have three kids, and all I can say is, though life has its ups and downs, and though things can get very, very hard, I thank G-d every day for being married, for having a family and children.
Sure, there are statistics, but every person is different, and you can very well increase your chances of a good marriage by a) choosing someone compatible with steady family life and b) being such a person yourself.
OK, I have come back to say I've been reading that blog all through the day in my spare time; I got hooked mostly because this guy sounds like such an intelligent, interesting, kind and overall nice person. I'm truly sorry for him. Apart from everything else, his mother-in-law sounds horrible, and I really don't get why he has to support his wife's family. I always say it's better to live at some distance from either spouse's parents. If I were him, I'd take my family and move well away from the in-laws.
I do have to say, however, that I believe this man's pitfall wasn't marriage. It was dating.
Think about it: he gets hooked up with someone, without considering whether she would make a good wife. She gets pregnant (accidentally or not, I'm not sure) - he didn't plan on this. He does the responsible thing and marries her. Now he's stuck with someone just because she had seemed attractive to his hormone-befuddled mind. It happens all the time; furthermore, Western culture (novels, romantic movies, etc) has idealized this stupid practice as something good and even necessary.
It's funny, but when he mentioned that his wife got pregnant after only four months of them knowing each other, I recalled that the same is actually true for me as well. I, too, got pregnant only several months after first meeting my husband. Only, of course, we were already married.
My husband and I got engaged a month from our first date. From the start, we evaluated each other as a potential spouse and maintained complete chastity up to the moment of our marriage. The first time we held hands was at the wedding. Thus, we kept the flare-up of hormones at bay and didn't let sexual attraction determine our decision-making process.
Of course, you could still argue it was a gamble: I basically agreed to marry an almost complete stranger. However, we spent that month prior to our engagement talking at length about our views on life, child rearing, etc, and evaluating each other as rationally as possible. Seven years later, I cannot say that there's a single thing about which I had been deceived; I can definitely say I know my husband a lot better, but I haven't experienced this surreal transformation so many describe ("while we were dating, she seemed like one person; now it's like there's an alien inside her body!") and I believe that's because we focused on the essentials and left physical attraction for later.
Naturally, if we didn't have our family we'd have more leisure and money. My husband is the provider and I take care of the house, the kids, the homeschooling, our animals, cooking, and I also help him in various projects connected to his work or the community. We work hard. But I also feel a lot happier, more adventurous, and richer in sentiment and experience than before I was married.
Mrs. Anna T,
You're 100% right in his approach, and letting his hormones get in the way of his better judgement...
MarkyMark
Haven't read the blog yet, and likely won't have time, but from what little you've mentioned, Mark, it kinda does seem like she did you a favour after all. I'm sorry things didn't work out as you had hoped, but I'm really glad you dodged that bullet BEFORE sustaining more substantial damage.
Incidentally, today is my husband's Emancipation Day--the anniversary of the date his divorce from She Who Shall Not Be Named was finalized. My first, ahem, act of celebration shall not be discussed in blog comments or with third parties. ;-) My second was to hand him, for his approval and signature, what I hope will be the last letter (ghost)written in this current phase of my ongoing campaign to clear up the absolute financial wreckage in which she left him. It was addressed to a credit bureau to update his report: buh-BYE federal tax lien, and good riddance!!!
--Sarah (former cube rat, now promoted to COO)
Mrs. Anna T,
(I've fallen WAY behind on blogs over the past few years, including yours, so I had not read...congratulations to you and your family on welcoming #3!) I agree with you that dating is dangerous. My husband and I knew each other as friends for several years first, but we had a relatively short engagement just like you, which we spent discussing all the important issues if we hadn't already covered them. Friends asked us "How did he propose?" and I laughed at them. There was no proposal--there were aggressive negotiations! (to quote Star Wars) In fact, I think my exact words were something like, "You want to just put all our cards on the table yet? I'll tell you why I haven't gone for it yet if you tell me why you haven't GONE AWAY yet?" Heh.
And while we did do more than hold hands prior to the wedding, we definitely saved the baby-making for the honeymoon suite. We frequently reminded each other that yes, all the warm fuzzies were indeed lovely, but our brains were both heavily under the influence of hormones and chemicals more potent than alcohol and we should watch out for our "judgment" accordingly (so say GOODNIGHT and get out of the truck now, Sarah!! ahem).
--Sarah
I commented on the referenced blog. Yep, that is marriage in the First World, thanks mostly to Christians who neither understand nor follow their bible.
Both sorry and glad the SA move blew up. I hope that happened before you quit your job.
Suggestion: take a week vacation trip into Guadalajara. And, chat up both men and women in the street.
Tip: if you live in Mexico, you need not marry. A key issue in a mate is her willingness to live in Free Union, the same as shacking up except you believe you are privately married. She turns nasty, bail.
Let me restate that. If you live in Mexico, DO NOT MARRY BEFORE THE LAW!
I do not mean all who live in Mexico should live in Guadalajara. It is the best starting place, simply because more Americans find it acceptable. Then, once you have a couple years under your belt, find where you want to live.
And, unless you specifically want kids, get a vasectomy.
Anonymous age 73
more and more guys are starting to feel the same way, why enter something that has played itself out?
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