An Opinion of an Old Turd, by Christopher in OR

Guys,

Though many of us in the blogosphere have encouraged Christopher in OR to start his own blog, he hasn't as of yet.  However, he's done the next, best thing: post his thoughts on Happy Bachelors.  This is a topic he started.  I thought my readers would enjoy it, so here it is...

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Gentlemen:

(And I am assuming you ARE gentlemen.) I would like to take a moment to offer an opinion based upon my forty-nine long years of blessed bachelorhood.

I realize that 49 sounds like a lot of years. Maybe it is. Sometimes it even surprises me that I've lived this long. It doesn't seem excessively long to me-not really. But I can understand that, to someone who is in his twenties, I probably seem genuinely old. Possibly you think that such an old fossil is so removed from your generation, that he can't have any relevant advice to offer you on dating and marriage. Well, you'd be wrong.

I would like to touch on an issue that is a constant source of friction even for bachelors. The issue is this: are there any truly decent women left?

My answer would be this: It makes no difference.

What do I mean? Even if you find this elusive, virginal woman you have been dreaming about in the back of your mind, she ain't gonna marry YOU. The good ones, if they even exist, are so rare they are going to be snapped up rapidly by successful, professional men with a very high income. These men know they have economic power you probably don't have, and they wield it accordingly. They get what they want-for the moment.

This rare woman, if she exists, knows her value, and sets her price accordingly high. Why not? Why should the grocery store start selling lobster for a nickel a ton if they can get twenty bucks a pound? Does that anger you? Tough. Supply and demand. Simple economics. Get used to it.

So, forget about finding such a woman. Unless you win the lottery, or are prepared to spend eight years in medical school.

So what's left?

Sluts, skanks, whores, tramps, pigs, junkies, drunks, fat slobs, white-trash, black-trash, degenerates, bisexuals, reformed lesbians, religious maniacs, frigid nuts, man-haters, trans-gender freaks, green-card-hunters, maniacs, bi-polar, borderline-personality-disorder, schizo's, STD-riddled, women-in-poor-health and other assorted undesirables.

So, what in the heck is the point of this old fart?

My point is two-fold.

Firstly, and I've stressed this initially, you are NOT going to find and marry a nice, sweet, loyal, faithful girl that will stand by your side through all of life's troubles.

It is absolutely NOT going to happen in your lifetime, so forget about it.

My second point is this:

In the long run, it doesn't matter.

But, whatever do I mean? It's simple, really, and the point has been stressed over and over. Yet, repetitive learning is often the most effective, so I'll repeat what has so often been stated.

A woman's physical beauty, her charm, all fade so quickly. This is something a man simply can't fully grasp when he is in his twenties. The allure of the pussy is just too strong, even if a man isn't getting any. Nature endows women, as Schopenhauer said so long ago, with a super-abundance of beauty for a short time. But, that's it. After that, what do you have? A braying jack-ass that serves no purpose? A fat woman that bears a striking resemblance to Jabba The Hut? A religious maniac that will view you with contempt because a "good Christian man" would never expect his wife to do "THAT"? A wife that say "Don't touch me!"? A woman that didn't bother to tell you about her monthly Herpes outbreaks, and now expects you to pony up the $500 a month she needs to buy Valtrex?

That's what this commercial, a Montavit water advertisement, features as its theme.  I did some brilliant analysis of that ad too; it was some of my BEST work ever, and it only received a measly 15 comments!  Seriously though, in a mere 30 seconds, we get the message that the young, desirable coquette you see now will turn into something decidedly less appealing in a few short years should you be dumb enough to marry her...

If you are young, please believe me when I tell you this: No matter how bad your experiences with women have been, and I'm sure they've been mostly bad, (otherwise you wouldn't be here), yet you still have no idea how bad life can and probably will be as a woman ages-if you're married to her.

I'm in a unique position. I'm not old, not really, but I'm not young, either. I'm sitting on the pinnacle of my my life about to slide towards raisinhood. I am watching all of the women I know that are even twenty years younger than I am turn into sour, ugly, fat prunes. I'm still healthy, and in good shape. There are no bags under my eyes, I can still bench a respectable amount, I don't get up to pee ten times a night, and I can walk ten miles without being the least bit winded.

But the women; oh, lord, the women. How they have aged, and aged badly. The female body is the ultimate in bait-and-switch. It falls apart so rapidly. Once the youthful glow disappears, you will be left with a foul, smelly walking Picasso. That tight skin that is stretched over a woman's body will soon loosen up, and you will see the horrid beast that has always been lurking underneath. And it's an ugly sight to behold.

When I first really, and truly started watching the women I know fall to pieces, I could hardly believe what I saw. I had been warned by my parents that women age poorly, but to actually watch women grow ugly and putrid was unsettling to me. It was like watching a plane crash-horrifying, yet I couldn't turn away. It was mesmerizing.

Every year that passes, these same women reach new lows of physical repugnance. Just when you think they can't get uglier, or wrinklier, then another wrinkle manages to appear, the tits sag even further, and she achieves a new low in appearance.

As the Sex Restrainer put it so well, try and imagine lying in bed next to an old woman. Forget all of the romantic crap about "growing old together". It's just so much nonsense. An aging women is a horrible sight, especially if you have to snuggle up to it at night. As Fred Sanford put it, "There ain't nothin' uglier than an old white woman."

Most of you youngsters have little idea of how bad it can be to live with an ugly, menopausal woman. And yes, the looks really take a furiously-fast nosedive at the exact time her sanity disappears in menopause. You will be living with an ugly troll with the temper of Satan himself. Twenty-four/seven. It will be never ending insanity and fighting.

So, yes, the wealthy man wins in the short run. He gets the attractive woman, although the odds are against him finding a decent woman that won't divorce him. He isn't immune to divorce; in fact, being rich makes him a bigger target.

But, the rest of us win in the long run. At 49, I neither need nor want a woman, regardless of how attractive she might be. This has been the case for about twenty years, ever since my sex drive kind of shriveled up. (Bad analogy)

So, be patient. Your lust will pass. To make it easier, leave the women strictly alone. Don't tempt yourself. Don't torture yourself. View the woman as a poisonous flower to be admired from a distance.

Stay single and you, too, can spend you time and money as you see fit when you reach your forties, and believe me, it will come sooner than you can imagine.

You might ask me, "Is it worth it? Staying single?"

Oh, yeah. You have no idea. ;D

Christopher in Oregon

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Until next time...

MarkyMark