What Men Should Know BEFORE Getting Married

Guys,

I was reading Dalrock's post about the secret the KGB couldn't keep, followed by the comments.  One of the respondents linked to a post on the Happy Bachelor's forum, where I found THIS...

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Date: 2008-01-01, 6:15PM EST

I think that there is a lot of unduly inflammatory and derogatory talk about women and marriage these days, and I believe that this stifles men from understanding several truisms about marriage. Women are not bad people, out to destroy men, or trying to trick men. Women and society simply have certain characteristics and men should be aware of these characteristics when they decide whether or not to get married.

1. You will be having sex once a month. This is not because women are trying to withhold sex from you. It is also not because women view sex (and particularly fellatio) as a loss leader or necessary evil before marriage. It is simply because women (unlike men) need to be seduced before sex. This means that during the courtship period where there are many romantic and fun events going on, she will want to have sex more often. After marriage, on the other hand, there will be far fewer of these romantic and fun events because (particularly if there are children) there is a lot of work to be done in order for the family to function smoothly. You will notice that if you take your wife to Paris or buy her jewelry, then you will all of sudden be having sex as often as you did before marriage. Some men would interpret this as a woman being some type of gold-digger or prostitute. However, it is simply a reflection that if a woman is feeling elated (something that will not happen very often after dealing with screaming kids all day), then she will want to have sex.

2. Women need a lot of attention. If you have ambitions on having a great career, then you should definitely not get married. This is because wives take a lot of time. You will need to speak to her on the phone, be home for dinner, go on vacations with her, and so one. Many men think that women will understand and accept that careers take a lot of time and effort to build, but this is not the case. Women, however, are unwilling to be left sitting at home all day until you arrive at 10:00 pm because you had a big meeting. Again, inflammatory language about women being dream killers or life destroyers is not helpful. You simply need to know that careers take a lot of time and your wife will also take a lot of time, and there will not be enough time available to have both. To put it another way, how would you like to live with someone you rarely saw? Wouldnt you want to find someone that you could at least see on a regular basis?

3. Women become less attractive over time. First, they gain weight. This is because married women have a lot to do (ie. taking care of the kids) and it is difficult to make exercising a priority. When they were younger, they could count on their high metabolism to keep thin, but that high metabolism is long gone. It is not that your wife is intentionally ballooning up after marriage, but this is what happens. If you cant accept being with a fattie, then dont get married. Second, wrinkles etc. appear and there is little that even the finest and expensive plastic surgeon can do. If you dont believe me, type in the name of any aging movie star and see how she looked in her prime and how she looks today.)

4. Marriage is a partnership. This, to my mind, is one of the hardest concepts for men to understand. They typically think of marriage as being what it used to be - a lifetime commitment. You need to understand that in a partnership (any partnership), if one person is unhappy, then that person can leave at anytime. Saying till death do us part in church is only binding in church. Once you are out the church doors, the marriage is determinable at will.

5. Men are always the losers in a divorce. If you or your wife want to get divorced, then the court will follow a very set pattern. The first issue is money. Since you have a greater earning capacity than your wife, the court will order that you must work to provide money to support the family. The second issue is custody of the kids. Since you are busy working, your wife will get custody. The third issue is the residence of the kids. Since your wife will decide that she wants a fresh start on the other side of the country and since it is in the best interests of the kids to have a happy custodial parent, the court will allow her to move across the country.

6. It is crucial that you ask your potential wife if she will change her last name to yours after marriage. If she refuses, then you will know that she is a very independent women and does not have family values. Any aspirations that you may have of someone calling your house and hearing an outgoing phone message saying that they have reached the Smith family will be over when she says she is not changing her last name. Also, there is going to be big problem with the last of the children, because your wife is not going to want the last name of her kids to be different than her last name. You should note that in some jurisdications (like Ontario, Canada), women have the sole right to name the children. Men have no right to any input whatsoever.

7. Your only role in the family is to pay the bills. This is very hard for men to accept, but women are absolutely convinced that they know what is best. You will not have discussions with your wife. Instead, she will explain to you why things must be done her way. This will, in effect, limit your input into the family to supplying the money that is needed to allow the family to function. You should also know that making money will be seen as very easy by your wife and not something that is worthy of respect. This is because she will know about all the hardships she suffered that day (because she experienced them), but the hardships you suffered will be foreign and unrelatable to her. Also, if you do not fulfill your role of paying the bills, then your wife will divorce you. This will be dressed up as her not being happy but you will notice very quickly that her new husband, coincidentally, is able to pay a lot of bills. (I would add that your only defence in a bad marriage is to quit your job. To be clear, dont threaten to quit your job, just quit it. This will shock your wife into seeing that you were doing something useful for the family afterall.)

8. You will not be able to watch what you want on television. This may sound trivial, but you should definitely try unplugging your television for a couple of months before getting married.

9. Ugly women can cause just as much trouble as good looking women. I am only making this point, because I know that some men think that the problems with women only apply to very attractive women and so if they find a less attractive woman, then they wont have to deal with the above. This is not true. Women behave very similarly in similar circumstances. Even the ugliest woman among us believes that she is beautiful on the inside and once you get married she will act as married women do.

I know what you are thinking. That your girlfriend is different and that the above wont apply to you. You are also thinking that you and your girlfriend are in love and that this again makes you an exception. You are, of course, free to think what you want, but I wish I had been warned.

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What more could I POSSIBLY add?

MarkyMark